I'll try and keep this relatively short while still expressing the meaningfulness involved in all of this.
I moved to Korea literally two days after Pennsic 40. It was a decision based in a desire to see the world, to grow as a person, and to discover what I truly wanted out of life. After 5 years of going to Pennsic, and living with and around my friends from that group, it was also a bitter sweet decision. I was very sad to leave behind the people that I cared about so much, but I felt that it was necessary to expose myself to other social groups, to immerse myself in a culture that I was less familiar with.
One year later, I'm happy to report that my goals have been met. I have grown, a great deal. I have found myself in difficult situations with only myself for support, only my own wits and abilities available as tools for survival. I have seen a bit of the world, but more to this point I've realized that chasing the dream to "see the whole world" is an endless venture, one with its rewards of course, but the price is ending up rootless, and without deep connections. I have witnessed the affects of long term dedication to this dream in several people I have met. Lastly, I have indeed figured out what is most important to me in life, and that, it turns out, is you, the very group of people I was so eager to experience life without for a change.
I suppose the sum of the wisdom that I have accrued in the past year is that the secret of life is this: there is no big secret! My desires have simplified drastically over the past year. I've grown out of my ambitions of single handedly saving the world. I've grown less attached to a specific career path or significant life accomplishments. Not that I don't want a good career, and not that I don't desire to accomplish things. But those goals have become much less important to me. What has become much more important to me, what I have truly realized the value in, is truly close friends; chosen family.
Because, you see, for the past year I've really been completely on my own. Now I'm not trying to be dramatic, or emo, or self pitying or anything like that. In fact it's part of that independence that has fueled so much personal growth. While it has been the most difficult part of this experience, in many ways it has also been the most valuable. And it's not at all that I haven't had friends. I've had people to hang out with and such, and they are good people, and I have nothing bad to say about any of them. But on the scale of the friendship and comradery I have known, when compared to so many of you, many of whom I see for a mere two weeks out of the year, these people are but mere acquaintances. These are good people, these are fun people, but these are not people who understand me. And to be completely fair, these are not people who, for the most part, I really understand.
And perhaps that is the difference. Perhaps that is the thing that Pennsic has that draws so many of us to it, despite all the work, the occasional drama, and all the things that make us wonder on occasion, "why do I keep doing this?". The truth is that Pennsic is a place where you can meet a complete stranger, have a 2 minute conversation, and there is complete understanding between the two of you. I'd certainly taken that for granted before I came here. But over the past year, having never felt truly understood once the whole time, I now recognize how significant, important, rare, and beautiful that is.
So, I was determined not to come to Pennsic this year. I was certain that a year away would do me some good. I was sure that last years Pennsic was about saying goodbye, and that some time away from everyone would do me some good. Well it has, and I miss the fuck out of you, and I want so badly to come see all of you again. My week of summer vacation from my school, (yes only one week of summer vacation in Korea) lines up with the first week of Pennsic, and I'm just about determined at this point to fly half way across the world to see all of you. I feel it would be good for me. I feel that I would return to Korea afterwords with renewed enthusiasm, a renewed sense of connection, and meaning, and feeling. I think, despite the fact that I told myself I wouldn't, that it's a very important thing for me to do.
Besides, I think of it like this: most of the people here say they are going home for Christmas. But Christmas is meaningless to me. Granted I was raised jewish...whatever. But Pennsic IS my Christmas. And my new year. Pennsic is when I see my family, my chosen family yes, but no less meaningful. Pennsic is the start and end of my yearly cycle, the point in time by which I measure the passage of a larger scale of time, the moment that I think back on all that has occurred since the last time I was at this crazy place.
So I'm coming to Pennsic. But the thing is, I really can't afford it. And this is the awkward part because I feel a bit weird asking for donations. At one point (when I still wasn't thinking I'd actually come) I'd put up a joke post on facebook asking for donations. I didn't mean it, I was just venting my desire to come. But a few people actually took it seriously, and started encouraging me to actually make a link for donations. Their encouragement....err....encouraged me....or something....Anyway, enough people have said that they would be willing to donate a few bucks that I have decided to actually go ahead and do it. Full disclosure: I've already bought a ticket. I've prioritized this as vitally important to me right now, and am willing to take the financial plunge even if not a single person is willing to help me. But here's the deal: I had about $1000 budgeted for this vacation, and my roundtrip plain ticket was $2300. Sooo...debt is kind of bad. And ya know, I've had it before but...part of the point in coming here was to like...not have it anymore and shit. So, if you're willing to help out, even just $10, it would be great. Think about it: if 100 people donate $10 (and that's not completely unreasonable, it is Pennsic, and I know a lot of people) then I'm only ever so slightly over my budget. All I'm saying is, every little bit counts. And I'm coming to see you guys regardless, so there's certainly no pressure to help out, but if you can, if you feel motivated to, then you know how incredibly meaningful it will be to me.
I love you all so much, and I can't wait to see you.
-Mongoose
I moved to Korea literally two days after Pennsic 40. It was a decision based in a desire to see the world, to grow as a person, and to discover what I truly wanted out of life. After 5 years of going to Pennsic, and living with and around my friends from that group, it was also a bitter sweet decision. I was very sad to leave behind the people that I cared about so much, but I felt that it was necessary to expose myself to other social groups, to immerse myself in a culture that I was less familiar with.
One year later, I'm happy to report that my goals have been met. I have grown, a great deal. I have found myself in difficult situations with only myself for support, only my own wits and abilities available as tools for survival. I have seen a bit of the world, but more to this point I've realized that chasing the dream to "see the whole world" is an endless venture, one with its rewards of course, but the price is ending up rootless, and without deep connections. I have witnessed the affects of long term dedication to this dream in several people I have met. Lastly, I have indeed figured out what is most important to me in life, and that, it turns out, is you, the very group of people I was so eager to experience life without for a change.
I suppose the sum of the wisdom that I have accrued in the past year is that the secret of life is this: there is no big secret! My desires have simplified drastically over the past year. I've grown out of my ambitions of single handedly saving the world. I've grown less attached to a specific career path or significant life accomplishments. Not that I don't want a good career, and not that I don't desire to accomplish things. But those goals have become much less important to me. What has become much more important to me, what I have truly realized the value in, is truly close friends; chosen family.
Because, you see, for the past year I've really been completely on my own. Now I'm not trying to be dramatic, or emo, or self pitying or anything like that. In fact it's part of that independence that has fueled so much personal growth. While it has been the most difficult part of this experience, in many ways it has also been the most valuable. And it's not at all that I haven't had friends. I've had people to hang out with and such, and they are good people, and I have nothing bad to say about any of them. But on the scale of the friendship and comradery I have known, when compared to so many of you, many of whom I see for a mere two weeks out of the year, these people are but mere acquaintances. These are good people, these are fun people, but these are not people who understand me. And to be completely fair, these are not people who, for the most part, I really understand.
And perhaps that is the difference. Perhaps that is the thing that Pennsic has that draws so many of us to it, despite all the work, the occasional drama, and all the things that make us wonder on occasion, "why do I keep doing this?". The truth is that Pennsic is a place where you can meet a complete stranger, have a 2 minute conversation, and there is complete understanding between the two of you. I'd certainly taken that for granted before I came here. But over the past year, having never felt truly understood once the whole time, I now recognize how significant, important, rare, and beautiful that is.
So, I was determined not to come to Pennsic this year. I was certain that a year away would do me some good. I was sure that last years Pennsic was about saying goodbye, and that some time away from everyone would do me some good. Well it has, and I miss the fuck out of you, and I want so badly to come see all of you again. My week of summer vacation from my school, (yes only one week of summer vacation in Korea) lines up with the first week of Pennsic, and I'm just about determined at this point to fly half way across the world to see all of you. I feel it would be good for me. I feel that I would return to Korea afterwords with renewed enthusiasm, a renewed sense of connection, and meaning, and feeling. I think, despite the fact that I told myself I wouldn't, that it's a very important thing for me to do.
Besides, I think of it like this: most of the people here say they are going home for Christmas. But Christmas is meaningless to me. Granted I was raised jewish...whatever. But Pennsic IS my Christmas. And my new year. Pennsic is when I see my family, my chosen family yes, but no less meaningful. Pennsic is the start and end of my yearly cycle, the point in time by which I measure the passage of a larger scale of time, the moment that I think back on all that has occurred since the last time I was at this crazy place.
So I'm coming to Pennsic. But the thing is, I really can't afford it. And this is the awkward part because I feel a bit weird asking for donations. At one point (when I still wasn't thinking I'd actually come) I'd put up a joke post on facebook asking for donations. I didn't mean it, I was just venting my desire to come. But a few people actually took it seriously, and started encouraging me to actually make a link for donations. Their encouragement....err....encouraged me....or something....Anyway, enough people have said that they would be willing to donate a few bucks that I have decided to actually go ahead and do it. Full disclosure: I've already bought a ticket. I've prioritized this as vitally important to me right now, and am willing to take the financial plunge even if not a single person is willing to help me. But here's the deal: I had about $1000 budgeted for this vacation, and my roundtrip plain ticket was $2300. Sooo...debt is kind of bad. And ya know, I've had it before but...part of the point in coming here was to like...not have it anymore and shit. So, if you're willing to help out, even just $10, it would be great. Think about it: if 100 people donate $10 (and that's not completely unreasonable, it is Pennsic, and I know a lot of people) then I'm only ever so slightly over my budget. All I'm saying is, every little bit counts. And I'm coming to see you guys regardless, so there's certainly no pressure to help out, but if you can, if you feel motivated to, then you know how incredibly meaningful it will be to me.
I love you all so much, and I can't wait to see you.
-Mongoose
