Hmmm. Life. What an interesting concept. Not the concept of life as a miracle, or a statistical improbability. Not the spiritual or philosophical question of "What is Life?" or "What does it mean to be alive?". Not even the question of how to define life, or determine what is considered to be alive. Life as in the simple process of living, and doing, you know, life things.
I mean, what are we really supposed to do with this Life thing anyway? Is there a proper way to spend it? Is there some sort of goal, or thing to be accomplished? Can you really fail at life? Or is it really just opened ended, like the most realistic sandbox video game EVER!!!...? Certainly some people feel happy and satisfied with their lives, and some people don't. Is that the whole point? To be happy and satisfied? And if so, why are some people happy and satisfied and others are not? Is it because of any tangible or definable detail in their lives? Is it because of the things they have, or things they do, or the people they spend time with? Is there a right way to spend time and a wrong way to spend time?
When I lived in Cleveland, I was not consistently happy or satisfied. I had a job that I mostly enjoyed, lived in a beautiful house with my best friend, and had a large circle of very close friends. Yet, on a day to day basis, I was not happy. Certainly I had a lot of fun. There were parties, and get togethers, and camping events that I looked forward to and loved. But in between all of those, there was just a bunch of....boring life things. Paying bills, and cooking food, cleaning all of the things, going to the store to buy necessary stuff, running errands in general. And these necessary tasks never went away! There was no sense of completion, because they needed to be done again and again, week after week, month after month. I felt like I was drowning in an endless sea of mundane tasks. These things weren't fun, they weren't exciting, but they filled the majority of my time day to day, during the in between times when I was waiting for the next fun thing. And so since most of the time I had to do stuff that I didn't really want to do, and I only got to spend a little bit of time doing the things I did really wanted to do, I found that it was difficult to feel a real sense of satisfaction.
Of course, these repetitive, mundane tasks are, in fact, life. They comprise the foundation of existing as an adult in this world. Everyone has them. No one gets out of it. So, realizing this, I made a decision. I decided that upon moving to Korea, I would change my perspective, and start learning to enjoy just living. I was determined to live without looking ahead, without a goal, without simply waiting around for the next party, the next time I got to have fun. I wanted to simply find happiness and satisfaction in my day to day mundane life.
Well, that didn't happen. I came here, and at first EVERYTHING was exciting, and nothing was mundane, and I was scared and elated, and emotionally charged pretty much ALL the time, and of course I loved every minute of it. But then that went away, the culture shock eased, I started to get used to it, and those pesky little mundane bits of existence slowly crept their way back into...you know...life. But the first few weeks had been so intense, that I wasn't even used to them anymore. They showed up almost like a surprise. Like an annoying friend that you didn't invite to the party, but then they show up anyway, and you're like, "God damn it, not you again!"
And so for the first couple months of being here, I fell back into the pattern of just trying to get through my mundane week full of necessary tasks, just trying to survive until the weekend when I could have fun again.
And then I got fired. And then I was homeless. And stuff was crazy. And then I went to India.
And something happened in India. You see, at the Ashram there really wasn't any fun to be had. It was peaceful, and relaxing, but certainly not "fun". There wasn't anything to occupy my time except mundane tasks. In fact, there weren't even really enough of those to fill the vast emptiness of time I had. There were no computers or video games to tick away the empty hours with. No one to party or drink with. There was just meditating, eating, and....and not a whole lot. For the first week it was actually almost maddeningly boring. But I started finding things to do. I started exercising every day. I volunteered in the kitchen doing dishes. I went to the library and read a lot. And I found myself starting to feel peaceful in my lack of excitement. I found myself starting to enjoy the mundanes of each day. I was happy while I was doing dishes. I was happy while I was showering, and doing my laundry. I was free from having to worry about what was going to be happening later, or next weekend. There was nothing in the future to think about, there was only the present moment.
And so I reconnected with my desire to simply enjoy living, and in fact found the mental space that would allow me to do so. I brought it back with me to Korea.
So now I've been at the new job for three weeks, moved in and settled at my new house for two weeks, and finally, for the first time, I find myself enjoying living. I work quite a lot, but it's satisfying, enjoyable work. And when I get off work, I go and exercise. And then I go to the grocery store and buy food to cook dinner with. And then I go home and I cook dinner. And then I clean my room, and prepare materials for class the next day, and then I go to sleep. I repeat this Monday through Thursday. And I've come to find this routine, mundane way of life extremely satisfying and fulfilling. There's nothing to worry about and no expectations. There's no goal to be accomplished or worked towards. There's simply life, and being alive, and doing necessary life things, and for some reason I'm enjoying it like never before. It's peaceful.
I live in a much quieter area of the city than I did before. It doesn't really feel that much like a city. It's a quiet, more residential area. I live in a divided house instead of a 23 story apartment building. There's one little corner bar and no restaurants in the blocks surrounding my new place, instead of literally more of both than I could have ever counted in the neighborhood I lived in before. School is within walking distance, so I don't take the subway except on the weekends. At first I was a little sad about it, because I did really enjoy the high energy dynamics of my previous location. But it's growing on me quite a bit.
I also work quite a bit more than I did before, around 10 hours a day. But I enjoy the work considerably more. I have more freedom and creativity with my lessons than I did before. I'm given very little in the way of materials, often only a single page in one of the books with a picture of two people having a short and basic conversation. "What will you do after school today?" "I will go shopping with my mother. What about you?" "I will play soccer with my friend." And then I have to teach a 40 minute lesson based off of that.
One day the lesson covered language used in a store. "Where are the....How much is the....I'll take three....". So I went in with a stack of fake money and a jar of jelly beans. After going over the language, I gave each student $20, and I sat down at a desk with the jelly beans. Each student took a turn coming up to me and asking, "Do you have any jelly beans? How much are they? I'd like (however many they could buy for $20)". It was really funny too, because I kept changing the price. I'd sell the jelly beans for $2 a piece to one student, and then for $10 a piece to the next. Then I helped them figure out that if I wasn't giving them a good price, they could try and buy some of the jelly beans that I had given another kid for cheap. It was great fun.
Also, we do fun things, and every day is not the same. One day we went on a field trip, which was awesome. I feel like such a responsible adult, taking kindergartners on a bus and telling them to fasten their seat belt. It's weird, and creepy, but surprisingly satisfying. We also do performances. For example, I'm teaching my class the song "Santa Baby" for the Christmas party on Friday. I even made up a little dance for them to do. It's hilarious. And I wrote a little play for them to do for their graduation performances at the end of February. I'll start teaching that to them in January. And the kids are so much fun too. Sometimes I feel less like a teacher and more like a much older brother. Luckily I had a good example in that department. Part of it is that there's no taboo about being physically playful and/or affectionate with your students in Korea. The girls love to give me hugs and they try to sit on my lap sometimes, while the boys love to horse around and play fight. I picked up one of the boys the other day, turned him upside down, and threatened to put him in the trash can. He seemed to love that. God, I'm becoming so good with children it's almost sickening.
So it seems I've figured out how to enjoy just living, more or less. I feel like an adult. I feel all responsible and stuff. What's happening to me?
I mean, what are we really supposed to do with this Life thing anyway? Is there a proper way to spend it? Is there some sort of goal, or thing to be accomplished? Can you really fail at life? Or is it really just opened ended, like the most realistic sandbox video game EVER!!!...? Certainly some people feel happy and satisfied with their lives, and some people don't. Is that the whole point? To be happy and satisfied? And if so, why are some people happy and satisfied and others are not? Is it because of any tangible or definable detail in their lives? Is it because of the things they have, or things they do, or the people they spend time with? Is there a right way to spend time and a wrong way to spend time?
When I lived in Cleveland, I was not consistently happy or satisfied. I had a job that I mostly enjoyed, lived in a beautiful house with my best friend, and had a large circle of very close friends. Yet, on a day to day basis, I was not happy. Certainly I had a lot of fun. There were parties, and get togethers, and camping events that I looked forward to and loved. But in between all of those, there was just a bunch of....boring life things. Paying bills, and cooking food, cleaning all of the things, going to the store to buy necessary stuff, running errands in general. And these necessary tasks never went away! There was no sense of completion, because they needed to be done again and again, week after week, month after month. I felt like I was drowning in an endless sea of mundane tasks. These things weren't fun, they weren't exciting, but they filled the majority of my time day to day, during the in between times when I was waiting for the next fun thing. And so since most of the time I had to do stuff that I didn't really want to do, and I only got to spend a little bit of time doing the things I did really wanted to do, I found that it was difficult to feel a real sense of satisfaction.
Of course, these repetitive, mundane tasks are, in fact, life. They comprise the foundation of existing as an adult in this world. Everyone has them. No one gets out of it. So, realizing this, I made a decision. I decided that upon moving to Korea, I would change my perspective, and start learning to enjoy just living. I was determined to live without looking ahead, without a goal, without simply waiting around for the next party, the next time I got to have fun. I wanted to simply find happiness and satisfaction in my day to day mundane life.
Well, that didn't happen. I came here, and at first EVERYTHING was exciting, and nothing was mundane, and I was scared and elated, and emotionally charged pretty much ALL the time, and of course I loved every minute of it. But then that went away, the culture shock eased, I started to get used to it, and those pesky little mundane bits of existence slowly crept their way back into...you know...life. But the first few weeks had been so intense, that I wasn't even used to them anymore. They showed up almost like a surprise. Like an annoying friend that you didn't invite to the party, but then they show up anyway, and you're like, "God damn it, not you again!"
And so for the first couple months of being here, I fell back into the pattern of just trying to get through my mundane week full of necessary tasks, just trying to survive until the weekend when I could have fun again.
And then I got fired. And then I was homeless. And stuff was crazy. And then I went to India.
And something happened in India. You see, at the Ashram there really wasn't any fun to be had. It was peaceful, and relaxing, but certainly not "fun". There wasn't anything to occupy my time except mundane tasks. In fact, there weren't even really enough of those to fill the vast emptiness of time I had. There were no computers or video games to tick away the empty hours with. No one to party or drink with. There was just meditating, eating, and....and not a whole lot. For the first week it was actually almost maddeningly boring. But I started finding things to do. I started exercising every day. I volunteered in the kitchen doing dishes. I went to the library and read a lot. And I found myself starting to feel peaceful in my lack of excitement. I found myself starting to enjoy the mundanes of each day. I was happy while I was doing dishes. I was happy while I was showering, and doing my laundry. I was free from having to worry about what was going to be happening later, or next weekend. There was nothing in the future to think about, there was only the present moment.
And so I reconnected with my desire to simply enjoy living, and in fact found the mental space that would allow me to do so. I brought it back with me to Korea.
So now I've been at the new job for three weeks, moved in and settled at my new house for two weeks, and finally, for the first time, I find myself enjoying living. I work quite a lot, but it's satisfying, enjoyable work. And when I get off work, I go and exercise. And then I go to the grocery store and buy food to cook dinner with. And then I go home and I cook dinner. And then I clean my room, and prepare materials for class the next day, and then I go to sleep. I repeat this Monday through Thursday. And I've come to find this routine, mundane way of life extremely satisfying and fulfilling. There's nothing to worry about and no expectations. There's no goal to be accomplished or worked towards. There's simply life, and being alive, and doing necessary life things, and for some reason I'm enjoying it like never before. It's peaceful.
I live in a much quieter area of the city than I did before. It doesn't really feel that much like a city. It's a quiet, more residential area. I live in a divided house instead of a 23 story apartment building. There's one little corner bar and no restaurants in the blocks surrounding my new place, instead of literally more of both than I could have ever counted in the neighborhood I lived in before. School is within walking distance, so I don't take the subway except on the weekends. At first I was a little sad about it, because I did really enjoy the high energy dynamics of my previous location. But it's growing on me quite a bit.
I also work quite a bit more than I did before, around 10 hours a day. But I enjoy the work considerably more. I have more freedom and creativity with my lessons than I did before. I'm given very little in the way of materials, often only a single page in one of the books with a picture of two people having a short and basic conversation. "What will you do after school today?" "I will go shopping with my mother. What about you?" "I will play soccer with my friend." And then I have to teach a 40 minute lesson based off of that.
One day the lesson covered language used in a store. "Where are the....How much is the....I'll take three....". So I went in with a stack of fake money and a jar of jelly beans. After going over the language, I gave each student $20, and I sat down at a desk with the jelly beans. Each student took a turn coming up to me and asking, "Do you have any jelly beans? How much are they? I'd like (however many they could buy for $20)". It was really funny too, because I kept changing the price. I'd sell the jelly beans for $2 a piece to one student, and then for $10 a piece to the next. Then I helped them figure out that if I wasn't giving them a good price, they could try and buy some of the jelly beans that I had given another kid for cheap. It was great fun.
Also, we do fun things, and every day is not the same. One day we went on a field trip, which was awesome. I feel like such a responsible adult, taking kindergartners on a bus and telling them to fasten their seat belt. It's weird, and creepy, but surprisingly satisfying. We also do performances. For example, I'm teaching my class the song "Santa Baby" for the Christmas party on Friday. I even made up a little dance for them to do. It's hilarious. And I wrote a little play for them to do for their graduation performances at the end of February. I'll start teaching that to them in January. And the kids are so much fun too. Sometimes I feel less like a teacher and more like a much older brother. Luckily I had a good example in that department. Part of it is that there's no taboo about being physically playful and/or affectionate with your students in Korea. The girls love to give me hugs and they try to sit on my lap sometimes, while the boys love to horse around and play fight. I picked up one of the boys the other day, turned him upside down, and threatened to put him in the trash can. He seemed to love that. God, I'm becoming so good with children it's almost sickening.
So it seems I've figured out how to enjoy just living, more or less. I feel like an adult. I feel all responsible and stuff. What's happening to me?
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