You know that feeling when you take on a project or an assignment head on, and your making great progress, and feeling good about everything, only to eventually find out that you made one small mistaken that requires you to trash everything and start over? Yea, not a good feeling.
Well, I've been feeling a lot like that this past week, about my entire experience in Korea. You see, I was fired from my teaching job on Teusday.
It came as a big surprise, and felt like a punch in the gut, and I imagine the thing most of you want to know is why. Unfortunately I can't really tell you that. They couldn't give me a particularly clear or concrete reason, and I don't think they really had one except for the fact that my supervisor didn't like me. But, that's how it goes I suppose.
Now, the situation isn't as bad as it sounds. I got fired Tuesday night, had an interview Wednesday morning, was offered the position Wednesday night, and signed a new contract Thursday morning. It seems that I'm extremely employable in this city. So I still have a job. And the truth is, while I loved teaching, I had an ever lengthening list of grievances with the company I worked for. So maybe they didn't like me, but the feeling was totally mutual. I'm excited to be going to a potentially better situation.
But everything isn't exactly perfect either. So, my last day with my current company is October 21. I have to be out of my apartment by noon on the 22nd. My first day with the new company is...December 1st. And I get to move in to my new apartment on November 30. So, yea, that's potentially problematic. Luckily, I have a plan. There are a few people I know who I can crash with and store belongings with, and I'll probably divide up both my things and time between them so that I'm not too much of a burden on any one friend. Additionally, I'm trying to take a trip to India for a good chunk of that time. There's a place in India I can go and receive lodgings and food at virtually no cost. It's an Ashram that I have connections too, so I'll be meditating a lot. I'm fine with that.
But....that feeling of the false start. It's kind of a depressing thought to think that not only am I not two months into this year, but that it hasn't even started yet, and won't for another month and a half. And I've got to pack up all my things, and move again, which I hate doing. And it's going to be a month and a half of not really having a home, which is an awkward and uncomfortable feeling. And I'm going to have to stretch one paycheck for two months. *sigh*...
So, that's the latest in this adventure. The adventure remains adventurous, and I continue to impress myself with what I'm capable of accomplishing. But that doesn't mean I'm always happy about having to accomplish those things.
Um, so, with a few exceptions I've been pretty good about posting to the blog pretty regularly. With the insanity that will be the next 6 weeks of homeless unpaid vacation, I'm not making any promises for a while. I'll try to let you guys know what's going on at some point, but it's entirely possible that you might not here from me again until December. I love you all. Thank you for all of the support you have given me, and the interest you have shown in what I'm doing.
-Mongoose
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Movement
So I have to say, I have not once since moving to Korea been so completely pissed off to not be in America. Yup, that's right. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like it over here. I'm having a blast, eating great food, drinking with Koreans, fishing in the ocean and what not. And it's not because I've suddenly gotten unbearably homesick. I mean of course I miss everyone, but that increasingly gets easier the longer I'm here. No, I'm pissed off because for the past 5 years I've been so hungry, so ready, for the kind of hippy fueled, politically charged, youth based activism that is happening in the states as we speak. I wanted so bad for something to happen, for someone to start protesting, and I was gonna be there as soon as it did. But nothing significant ever seemed to jell, and so I gave up. And then I moved to Korea. And then, less than two months after I leave, the damn hippies decide that maybe it's time to start speaking out. Mother fuckers.
In all seriousness though, I really do think it is spectacular what is happening. If I were in the states right now, I would be in Zuccoti park with all those passionate crazies, banging a drum and shouting at the top of my lungs. You know I would. And it's not just exciting because people are finally willing to shout, it's because other people are finally starting to notice.
I've had a couple different friends point out to me that this isn't the first time by any means that there's been protesting. One mentioned the labor protests that occurred relatively recently in Wisconsin, and the other mentioned the very large anti war protest in D.C. back during the bush administration. And that's true. There were those. And the Wisconsin protests came very close to actually preventing the anti-labor legislation from going through. But both of those were still different then this, they had a different vibe than this. The Wisconsin protests were really about a localized issue, and while a lot of people had sympathy for the cause, it's hard to really rally a ton of excitement around a state issue that most people feel no direct connection to. And while the D.C. anti war protest that my other friend mentioned was certainly enormous, and most definitely revolved around an issue that people across the country could connect to, it didn't last. It never grew into a sustained movement. There was this giant outcry against the war in Iraq, and then....everyone just sort of went home. And so nothing ever really came out of it. Additionally, that was before the economy jumped off a cliff, and so really, while people were mad about that one issue, they weren't mad at everything, and desperate, and at a loss for what to do with themselves. The climate is different now, and conditions are prime for a real movement to take root.
And that's what I think is happening. Because you have this group of people, of a wide range of ages and backgrounds, that are just plain mad. And they're mad about a lot of things, about unemployment and bailouts. About healthcare, about religious fundamentalism, about Bush. About Obama too. Most definitely about congress. They're mad about greed and growing wage inequality, and about beurocracy. They're mad about the fact that the whole damn country seems to be going to shit, and and they're really mad about the fact that no one seems to have any fucking clue what to do about it.
So there isn't a specific issue or a specific person, or even a very concrete concept for them to rally around. They're just really mad about a whole lot of different things, and they want to let everyone know about it. So they made some signs and they're camping in the park outside of wall street. And some come and go, but a hardcore group of them have been there every single day for almost a month now. And the media started to notice, and to report on it, and people all over the country started to hear about it. And a lot of them said "Ya know what? I'm mad too! I'm mad about a whole lot of things!" So they made their own signs, and organized their own groups, and they don't have a specific cause, either, but they want people to know that, damn it, they're really mad.
So now it's sweeping across the country. Now progressives all over are coming together to express how mad they are. It's just like the tea party, only liberal, and more genuinely an actual grass roots movement, because it's happening without the financial support of the Koch brothers, or the publicizing of Glenn Beck. And I think that it's really exciting. I think it's a kind of unifying energy we haven't seen from progressives in a very long time, perhaps for the first time in my life.
Some have argued that we had that same energy when we elected Obama, but I disagree in a large way. Because back then we needed a singular person to rally around, because we didn't have enough energy to just start rallying. So we fed on his personality, and poured all of our hopes and dreams into him. And perhaps with us having that mentality, he was destined to be a disappointment. In a sense we were so excited about Obama, because it meant that we could continue being a lazy progressive populace. "We'll just elect this one guy," the subconscious logic went, "and then he can fix everything and we won't have to do the work of actually being activists." I'm not trying to play a blame game here. In retrospect I know I was certainly guilty of that kind of thinking to some degree. And maybe that is our lesson as a progressive movement, that real change is something that must be continuously fought for and strived for, something that is never really secured. Because, yea, we worked real hard to put Obama in office, but then what? We went home and assumed that the job was done. We didn't actively fight, and remind him what we wanted. We didn't force him to push back against the republicans. Yes, he compromised far too much, but didn't we compromise too and allow that when there wasn't a major outcry against it? Now is that outcry. And now is the time to cry out.
Listen, I don't judge for an instant anyone who isn't completely into this. Some of you are tired. Some of you are apathetic. Some of you are so cynical of the system as a whole that you really don't think anything can make a difference. And you might be right. Some of you have already put so much anergy and effort into failed movements of the past, or colossal letdowns, that you can't imagine doing it again. And some of you are so affected by circumstances, forced to work such obscene hours, that involvement in anything is simply not possible. And that's totally fine, in every single case. I do want to say, however, that the opportunity to get involved in this movement is one that I am extremely envious of right now.
The title of this post is simply "Movement" and is meant to have a double meaning. Of course I am referring directly to the "Occupy Wall Street" movement. But also expressed is something more philosophical. Movement refers to the changing nature of society, and the shifting that occurs between and among cultural subsets that results in the overall outlook and direction of society. For most of my life, that particular societal movement has been relatively consistent. There has been a very gradual liberalization of the culture over the past 20 years, but that gradual shift is punctuated by bursts of conservative idealism that occurs because conservatives are willing to make a whole lot of noise about how they think things should be. For the most part, I've never seen progressives willing to make that same amount of noise. I hope this movement is a sign of movement in that direction.
Please, I warmly welcome debate and disagreement. And for those of you who are more politically and/or socially minded, and who have friends who are as well, please do not hesitate to share this post with them. I'm realizing more than ever that this type of writing is what I would really like to do in the future, so it would be very nice to have this type of post read.
-Mongoose
In all seriousness though, I really do think it is spectacular what is happening. If I were in the states right now, I would be in Zuccoti park with all those passionate crazies, banging a drum and shouting at the top of my lungs. You know I would. And it's not just exciting because people are finally willing to shout, it's because other people are finally starting to notice.
I've had a couple different friends point out to me that this isn't the first time by any means that there's been protesting. One mentioned the labor protests that occurred relatively recently in Wisconsin, and the other mentioned the very large anti war protest in D.C. back during the bush administration. And that's true. There were those. And the Wisconsin protests came very close to actually preventing the anti-labor legislation from going through. But both of those were still different then this, they had a different vibe than this. The Wisconsin protests were really about a localized issue, and while a lot of people had sympathy for the cause, it's hard to really rally a ton of excitement around a state issue that most people feel no direct connection to. And while the D.C. anti war protest that my other friend mentioned was certainly enormous, and most definitely revolved around an issue that people across the country could connect to, it didn't last. It never grew into a sustained movement. There was this giant outcry against the war in Iraq, and then....everyone just sort of went home. And so nothing ever really came out of it. Additionally, that was before the economy jumped off a cliff, and so really, while people were mad about that one issue, they weren't mad at everything, and desperate, and at a loss for what to do with themselves. The climate is different now, and conditions are prime for a real movement to take root.
And that's what I think is happening. Because you have this group of people, of a wide range of ages and backgrounds, that are just plain mad. And they're mad about a lot of things, about unemployment and bailouts. About healthcare, about religious fundamentalism, about Bush. About Obama too. Most definitely about congress. They're mad about greed and growing wage inequality, and about beurocracy. They're mad about the fact that the whole damn country seems to be going to shit, and and they're really mad about the fact that no one seems to have any fucking clue what to do about it.
So there isn't a specific issue or a specific person, or even a very concrete concept for them to rally around. They're just really mad about a whole lot of different things, and they want to let everyone know about it. So they made some signs and they're camping in the park outside of wall street. And some come and go, but a hardcore group of them have been there every single day for almost a month now. And the media started to notice, and to report on it, and people all over the country started to hear about it. And a lot of them said "Ya know what? I'm mad too! I'm mad about a whole lot of things!" So they made their own signs, and organized their own groups, and they don't have a specific cause, either, but they want people to know that, damn it, they're really mad.
So now it's sweeping across the country. Now progressives all over are coming together to express how mad they are. It's just like the tea party, only liberal, and more genuinely an actual grass roots movement, because it's happening without the financial support of the Koch brothers, or the publicizing of Glenn Beck. And I think that it's really exciting. I think it's a kind of unifying energy we haven't seen from progressives in a very long time, perhaps for the first time in my life.
Some have argued that we had that same energy when we elected Obama, but I disagree in a large way. Because back then we needed a singular person to rally around, because we didn't have enough energy to just start rallying. So we fed on his personality, and poured all of our hopes and dreams into him. And perhaps with us having that mentality, he was destined to be a disappointment. In a sense we were so excited about Obama, because it meant that we could continue being a lazy progressive populace. "We'll just elect this one guy," the subconscious logic went, "and then he can fix everything and we won't have to do the work of actually being activists." I'm not trying to play a blame game here. In retrospect I know I was certainly guilty of that kind of thinking to some degree. And maybe that is our lesson as a progressive movement, that real change is something that must be continuously fought for and strived for, something that is never really secured. Because, yea, we worked real hard to put Obama in office, but then what? We went home and assumed that the job was done. We didn't actively fight, and remind him what we wanted. We didn't force him to push back against the republicans. Yes, he compromised far too much, but didn't we compromise too and allow that when there wasn't a major outcry against it? Now is that outcry. And now is the time to cry out.
Listen, I don't judge for an instant anyone who isn't completely into this. Some of you are tired. Some of you are apathetic. Some of you are so cynical of the system as a whole that you really don't think anything can make a difference. And you might be right. Some of you have already put so much anergy and effort into failed movements of the past, or colossal letdowns, that you can't imagine doing it again. And some of you are so affected by circumstances, forced to work such obscene hours, that involvement in anything is simply not possible. And that's totally fine, in every single case. I do want to say, however, that the opportunity to get involved in this movement is one that I am extremely envious of right now.
The title of this post is simply "Movement" and is meant to have a double meaning. Of course I am referring directly to the "Occupy Wall Street" movement. But also expressed is something more philosophical. Movement refers to the changing nature of society, and the shifting that occurs between and among cultural subsets that results in the overall outlook and direction of society. For most of my life, that particular societal movement has been relatively consistent. There has been a very gradual liberalization of the culture over the past 20 years, but that gradual shift is punctuated by bursts of conservative idealism that occurs because conservatives are willing to make a whole lot of noise about how they think things should be. For the most part, I've never seen progressives willing to make that same amount of noise. I hope this movement is a sign of movement in that direction.
Please, I warmly welcome debate and disagreement. And for those of you who are more politically and/or socially minded, and who have friends who are as well, please do not hesitate to share this post with them. I'm realizing more than ever that this type of writing is what I would really like to do in the future, so it would be very nice to have this type of post read.
-Mongoose
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A psychological observation
It's amazing how much the brain does on it's own, without you having to manually do the processing. This has become clear to me as I become more adjusted to being here, and as the phenomenon referred to as "culture shock" begins to fade.
When I first arrived here, I noticed everything. Everything was new to me, and so everything was noticed and had to be manually processed. Now, a month and a half in, I find myself in a state of mind more akin to the way I lived my daily life back home. I go about doing things, and for the most part the background happenings of my surroundings stay as background. I don't have to notice ever sound, ever color, ever sensation. I'm more or less used to them now, and so my brain processes them without my active participation.
I suppose this is, in essence, exactly what culture shock is. Your brain, in totally unfamiliar surroundings, doesn't know where to place all of the various stimuli of the moment. And so, by a quirk of psychology, you are forced to analyze and physically direct the neurological path of every single stimulus. This requires an unimaginably large amount of mental energy, and can be rather exhausting. But, as you do this, your brain learns the path that these various stimuli must take, and begins to do the work on it's own. Over time, things happen without you having to notice them.
I don't think we realize on a day to day basis exactly how much is happening around us. The color of the tiles, the sound of the subway, the people having ma conversation near us, the. Aesthetics of the neighborhood. But when you are completely new to a place you notice every single thing. This is simultaneously wonderful and overwhelming. When you are familiar to a place, you have more time to spend thinking about whatever you want. Your brain isn't forced into contemplating the simple aspect of where you are right now. But when you do notice every single thing, you have an appreciation for your environment that normally is taken for granted.
I'm certainly more comfortable now that the initial culture shock is over, but there was something fun about it too. I'm more in my head, and less in the moment. Of course, I like being in my head, but there was something fun about being completely immersed, completely aware of every single detail of my surroundings.
This is a shorter post, mostly created because I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten about posting. I've been working on a specific post for a little over a week now, but it is taking longer than expected. It requires a lot of research, and I haven't quite finished the investigation that is necessary for it. I will be out of town this weekend, so no Sunday blog post again. Look for the next post sometime next week.
-Mongoose
When I first arrived here, I noticed everything. Everything was new to me, and so everything was noticed and had to be manually processed. Now, a month and a half in, I find myself in a state of mind more akin to the way I lived my daily life back home. I go about doing things, and for the most part the background happenings of my surroundings stay as background. I don't have to notice ever sound, ever color, ever sensation. I'm more or less used to them now, and so my brain processes them without my active participation.
I suppose this is, in essence, exactly what culture shock is. Your brain, in totally unfamiliar surroundings, doesn't know where to place all of the various stimuli of the moment. And so, by a quirk of psychology, you are forced to analyze and physically direct the neurological path of every single stimulus. This requires an unimaginably large amount of mental energy, and can be rather exhausting. But, as you do this, your brain learns the path that these various stimuli must take, and begins to do the work on it's own. Over time, things happen without you having to notice them.
I don't think we realize on a day to day basis exactly how much is happening around us. The color of the tiles, the sound of the subway, the people having ma conversation near us, the. Aesthetics of the neighborhood. But when you are completely new to a place you notice every single thing. This is simultaneously wonderful and overwhelming. When you are familiar to a place, you have more time to spend thinking about whatever you want. Your brain isn't forced into contemplating the simple aspect of where you are right now. But when you do notice every single thing, you have an appreciation for your environment that normally is taken for granted.
I'm certainly more comfortable now that the initial culture shock is over, but there was something fun about it too. I'm more in my head, and less in the moment. Of course, I like being in my head, but there was something fun about being completely immersed, completely aware of every single detail of my surroundings.
This is a shorter post, mostly created because I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten about posting. I've been working on a specific post for a little over a week now, but it is taking longer than expected. It requires a lot of research, and I haven't quite finished the investigation that is necessary for it. I will be out of town this weekend, so no Sunday blog post again. Look for the next post sometime next week.
-Mongoose
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Bulamsan
I have often heard people say that bravery isn't about not being afraid, that bravery is being afraid of something and doing it anyway. I would like to propose a slightly modified definition. Bravery is doing something that any rational person would be afraid to do.
There are two paths towards bravery then. There is of course being rational, being afraid, and yet still doing. The other option, of course, is to be irrational and stupid, and thus not afraid. The latter, I think, is the kind of bravery that many people desire. Because being afraid doesn't feel good. Being truly scared for ones safety is a terribly uncomfortable feeling, and when we are unfortunate enough to have that feeling, we find ourselves wishing we could feel differently. And so there's a sense of envy for the irrational people who just don't seem to be emotionally affected by being in danger. Of course, having irrational bravery shouldn't be a particular source of pride, because your not overcoming anything, you are not actually conquering fear. Irrational bravery is also more likely to get you killed.
These are the thoughts that were going through my head as I sat atop the peak of Bulamsam Mountain yesterday afternoon, eating a peach flavored popsicle, happier to be alive than I ever have been previously.
For those of you not familiar with meetup.com, it is a website where you can find groups doing interesting things in your area. Yoga, hiking, dancing, whatever you interests are. It's a great resource for getting out and doing shit. Its especially useful if you're new to a foreign city where you know absolutely no one. I joined a hiking group that goes hiking every Saturday in or around Seoul. I like hiking, I like nature, I like physical activity, so it seemed a natural choice. They do a range of hikes, from easy nature walks, to all out rock climbing with ropes and harnesses. The description for this hike was that it was moderately difficult, and would include some bouldering. Bouldering is typically where you are in fact climbing strait up rock faces, but for very short distances, and so no equipment is necessary. I like bouldering. I went bouldering with Britney and Turtle back in Ohio several times.
The meeting location for the hike was a subway station about an hour away. I get there and find everybody and introduce myself, because this is the first hike I've done with them. Everyone is friendly and interesting. It is a mix of expats and Koreans. There are several older Korean men that seem to more or less be the group leaders. It was also the first time I've met any expats who were neither English teachers nor soldiers. There were several English teachers, but there was one university level German teacher, from Germany, and one Indian software developer.
And so we set off for the mountain. The park is about a 15 minute walk from the subway station. It is a beautiful park, and I am happy to be surrounded by nature for the first time since I've been here. We start hiking and we are walking along paths, well marked at first, and then slowly less walked. As we turn off the main paths, we are walking more through the woods. It gets steeper, and slightly more difficult. I'm building up a good sweat and enjoying myself immensely. I like hikes that involve a lot of climbing over small and medium sized rocks, and that's what is mostly happening so far.
We come out of the trees, and reach a massive sloped rock face. It is the side of the mountain. It is enormous, and impressive. Nothing growing on it, just smooth rock sloping up for hundreds of feet. This mountain was formed by a massive lava flow some several thousands of years ago. Large sections of it are just smooth, sloping, enormous, dome shaped slags. I stop to admire it as the group walks by, and then I go to join them.
Just around the corner everyone is sitting down and taking out their water bottles. Break time. I sit, and hydrate, and revel in how much I am enjoying my morning. We sit for about 15 minutes and then everyone stands up. I'm excited to get going, and I'm wondering where the path leads next.
And then something funny happens. One of the old Korean man walks back the way we came. We start fallowing him. He walks back to where the giant sloping rock face is, turns, and starts walking up it.
Allow me to take a moment to describe in more detail exactly what is happening with this rock face. When I say sloping rock face, I don't mean that it's like a steep ramp, a steady walk up a hill. The side of this mountain is nearing a 60 degree angle. Think about that. A 45 degree angle, which would be considered fairly steep, is pretty easy to imagine. A 60 degree angle is half way between that, and a vertical wall. Mathematically it is a slope of 3 vertical units for every one horizontal unit. It's really fucking steep. I'm guessing that this wasn't quite 60, maybe more around 55, but still. Steep. And as I said before, entirely smooth. Theres nothing to grab onto, nothing to hold onto, just flat rock surface for hundreds of feet. And so when the first guy just started walking up it, I had a definite moment of, wait, what? THAT'S where were going?!?
And it was. And let me tell you, it was terrifying. 100 feet is about a third of a football field. Which doesn't seem like that far when your talking about walking 100 feet, or something being 100 feet away. 100 feet suddenly takes on a whole new meaning when it's 100 feet up, when, say, you walk 100 feet up a 60 fucking degree angle, and you turn around and look 100 feet down. Suddenly, 100 feet is a very very long distance. Because again, there was nothing to hold onto. The only thing keeping you on the wall of this mountain is the friction on your shoes. And if that gives, if you slip, if you start sliding, that can get out of control real fast, and there's nothing to slow you down except the eventual flat ground.
And the image I had in my head of me tumbling wildly down the side of this mountain was all too vivid after 100 feet. And I looked up ahead to where the leader had stopped, and I wasn't even half way there. However, soon he started playing a small ocarina-type instrument. I imagine he was playing some sort of Korean folk music. It had that sort of sound to it. He played it very well, and it was beautiful. The sweet melody hung around the mountain like a gentle fog, chasing away my fears and giving me the strength to continue. And, miraculously, I made it to the safety of the flat location, where we rested again, and drank more water. I looked back over what I had done, how far I had come. The view was spectacular. I could see so much of the city. And I was proud of myself for having accomplished it. I was ready for the rest of the hike, now certain that the most difficult part must be over.
But that was just the beginning. I didn't know it at the time, but we were probably only about 15 percent up the mountain. The rest of the hike would be mostly the same as that. Walking up impossibly steep angles for hundreds of feet at a time with nothing to hold onto. Well, that's not entirely true. Occasionally for the more difficult spots, one of the leaders would drop a rope, run up to a fairly stable spot, and then brace themselves. You weren't supposed to use the rope to pull yourself up, as it was just a person holding onto the other end. But it was there as a safety net in case you started to slip, and was psychologically very helpful. On two separate occasions, for the steepest and most difficult slopes (I'm talking maybe 75 degrees) one of the leaders found a place in the rock to actually anchor the rope with rock climbing equipment, and you did use the rope to support the majority of your weight as you pulled yourself up.
On one occasion we walked up a giant slope, around a giant rock at the top, and then down the other side, in order to walk around another cliff, and then back up another insane slope. Walking down one of those slopes was one of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring moments of the day. Again, still terrifying. The way to do it is to actually walk facing forwards, body strait, but bent pretty significantly at the knees, and to just slowly put one foot in front of the other. And here your are, walking on the side of a mountain, with absolutely nothing around you, except the entire city right in front of you. It's such an incredible feeling. You feel so large. The city is so small. There's nothing but air around you. Trees far below. Not attached to anything. It's incredible. But still terrifying.
Walking up these slopes is massively counter intuitive. Instinct when climbing is to keep your body low to the ground, lowering your center of gravity, and giving you more control. For walking up a steep slope however, you actually want to stand up as much as possible. The reason is that, again, the only thing keeping you on the side of the rock is the friction of your shoes. The higher you stand, the more directly over your shoes, the more friction. To lower yourself, to try and climb up the slope using your hands and knees, actually reduces the amount of friction on your shoes, makes it more likely to slip. So you want to stand up. But this is completely counterintuitive and feels really scary to do.
Every time the leader would stop for an extended period of time, he would play his flute. Every melody, every sound, was beautiful. And the atmosphere it created was no less than majestic. It was almost otherworldly. To be in such an intense situation, to be so scared, literally scared for you life, and then to hear this calming peaceful melody, out in the middle of no where, away from civilization on the side of a mountain, is just indescribable. It was heavenly. It was angelic. It was miraculous. Please understand, I use these words with very intense meaning not lightly. There is no word too dramatic to describe the feelings that sound elicited.
Also, I have to add, the Korean men on this trip really amazed and astounded me. All the expats are terrified, and struggling, and in awe of what we are actually doing on this hike. Meanwhile, the Koreans are just casually walking around the side of this mountain like ants on a wall, as if they are simply going for their morning stroll. Koreans are hard-core man.
Finally, after a particularly difficult stretch that involved the need for anchored rope in spots, that several people got stuck on for a while, and that seemed to push the limits of what everyone (expats at least) was capable of, we came to a nice shady flat spot, and stopped for lunch. I had some pastry and some beef jerky in my back pack. Other people had fruit, vegetables, various Korean things, and everybody shared. We were almost at the top, there was only one more slope to go. One expat joked, "Where we sit and wait for the helicopter to get us, right?" I replied that I though we were taking the elevator back down. Someone else laughed at how amazing it would be if there was an ice cream stand at the top. I said that if there was an ice cream stand at the top, I would shit myself.
After lunch we got up, and hiked a short distance to the final slope. My feet and my calves are killing me. I don't have much strength left that I can force out of the lower half of my body. And when we arrive at the last slope, my jaw drops. It's not as long as many of the others, but it's long enough so that you still don't want to slip and tumble down it. But it's the steepest we've done so far without an anchored rope, and the Koreans don't seem to intend to lay one. They start up it, and what choice do I have? This is one of those trips from which, after a very early point, there was simply no turning back. The only way was forward, and here again I was struck by this harsh reality. I didn't want to do it. I was scared, and tired, and sore. And every ounce of me was against climbing this insanely steep slope. But what choice did I have?
It was completely smooth, probably about 65 degree, maybe even 70 degrees for a few short stretches. I make it about 85 percent of the way up, and then I get stuck. I can't go any farther, I simply freeze. It's too steep, my shoes don't have enough grip, and I don't feasibly see a way I can go. The Koreans encourage me. I take a step, and other step, and then I start to slip. Suddenly my shoes lose their grip and I start sliding backwards. I freak out. I scream. My mind is racing with images of chaotic tumbling down the side of a mountain. I start to panic. Real panic. My heart starts beating so fast that it hurts. I start breathing quickly. I'm completely not calm. I feel dizzy. I try desperately to dig my feet in, to find stable footing, but I'm still sliding backwards. In my panic I forget about the mechanics of slope climbing, and I lower my center of gravity, which reduces friction, and I start sliding even more.
This all happened in the time span of about 5 seconds. Luckily, the Koreans had their shit together. One of the more experienced climbers wasn't far behind me. She climbed up behind me, and braced the back of my shoe with her hand, stopping my descent. I breathed deep. A slowed my heart. I regained my footing. I took another step, and immediately felt her hand behind my shoe again. Another step, and again her hand was there. And in this manner I slowly walked up the last 20 feet to the summit of the mountain.
Well, more or less. There was a short walk through the woods, and one very short section of traditional bouldering, which I loved. In terms of climbing, I'm definitely most comfortable when I have hand holds. I feel that's probably a fairly natural thing.
We get to the summit, and I see a helipad. This makes me laugh. And then, about 20 feet away from that, a man selling ice-cream. I did not, in fact, shit myself. I did, however, buy ice-cream. You may wonder how he got it up there. He took the stairs. There was an easy trail on the other side. We just took the terrifying death defying way for shits a giggles I suppose.
So I sat at the top of this mountain, eating my popsicle, and I did a good deal of thinking. I thought about the nature of bravery. I knew I had been brave, in the rational I'm still scared sort of way. But that kind of bravery isn't emotionally satisfying, it is emotionally taxing. It's an incredibly difficult thing to fight true, honest to god terror. And it feels good to succeed. Bt it doesn't feel so good to be that scared and to have fight against instinct.
I thought about being alive, and about the fact that I had truly just survived something. That felt very good. And it also felt good to think of in terms of accomplishment. To think, "I climbed a fucking mountain today, a real mountain, and I fucking climbed it!"
And it occurred to me several times during the climb that the hike was somewhat analogous to my journey here in Korea. Getting here was just the start of the adventure. It is both difficult and scary. I will do do things I never thought I would do, and accomplish things I never thought I could accomplish. But it will also be unimaginably rewarding. There will be moments of strife and of pain, but there will be moments of rest and of peace. And just when I think I can't go any further, there will be an old Korean man playing the flute.
Well, ok, maybe not that last part. But certainly the hike was analogous, not just to my journey in Korea, but to any difficult undertaking in life. Even, perhaps, to life itself. And let me say, that some of the most spectacular views I've ever had in my entire life were during this trip. And was most cleanly worth it.
We took the stairs back down. It was a nice pleasant trail. Very simple. Very calm. Very relaxing. A nice pleasant walk through the woods. Afterwards we went to a little Korean restaurant and had lunch. And then I went home.
It was a wonderful morning/afternoon, and I made some new friends. I have a profound and intense affection especially for the Koreans who were so wonderful, patient, and helpful. I'm looking very much forward to hiking with them again in the future. Though I can't say I want to do that particular hike again. For the record, I do have pictures to share. I will post them soon. I have to figure out how to get them from my lap tap (has no Internet) to my iPad (has Internet). And then I have to figure out the best way to share them. I'm not sure how pictures work on this site. I may end up just making an album on Facebook. In any case, I will let you guys know.
Until next time.
-Mongoose
There are two paths towards bravery then. There is of course being rational, being afraid, and yet still doing. The other option, of course, is to be irrational and stupid, and thus not afraid. The latter, I think, is the kind of bravery that many people desire. Because being afraid doesn't feel good. Being truly scared for ones safety is a terribly uncomfortable feeling, and when we are unfortunate enough to have that feeling, we find ourselves wishing we could feel differently. And so there's a sense of envy for the irrational people who just don't seem to be emotionally affected by being in danger. Of course, having irrational bravery shouldn't be a particular source of pride, because your not overcoming anything, you are not actually conquering fear. Irrational bravery is also more likely to get you killed.
These are the thoughts that were going through my head as I sat atop the peak of Bulamsam Mountain yesterday afternoon, eating a peach flavored popsicle, happier to be alive than I ever have been previously.
For those of you not familiar with meetup.com, it is a website where you can find groups doing interesting things in your area. Yoga, hiking, dancing, whatever you interests are. It's a great resource for getting out and doing shit. Its especially useful if you're new to a foreign city where you know absolutely no one. I joined a hiking group that goes hiking every Saturday in or around Seoul. I like hiking, I like nature, I like physical activity, so it seemed a natural choice. They do a range of hikes, from easy nature walks, to all out rock climbing with ropes and harnesses. The description for this hike was that it was moderately difficult, and would include some bouldering. Bouldering is typically where you are in fact climbing strait up rock faces, but for very short distances, and so no equipment is necessary. I like bouldering. I went bouldering with Britney and Turtle back in Ohio several times.
The meeting location for the hike was a subway station about an hour away. I get there and find everybody and introduce myself, because this is the first hike I've done with them. Everyone is friendly and interesting. It is a mix of expats and Koreans. There are several older Korean men that seem to more or less be the group leaders. It was also the first time I've met any expats who were neither English teachers nor soldiers. There were several English teachers, but there was one university level German teacher, from Germany, and one Indian software developer.
And so we set off for the mountain. The park is about a 15 minute walk from the subway station. It is a beautiful park, and I am happy to be surrounded by nature for the first time since I've been here. We start hiking and we are walking along paths, well marked at first, and then slowly less walked. As we turn off the main paths, we are walking more through the woods. It gets steeper, and slightly more difficult. I'm building up a good sweat and enjoying myself immensely. I like hikes that involve a lot of climbing over small and medium sized rocks, and that's what is mostly happening so far.
We come out of the trees, and reach a massive sloped rock face. It is the side of the mountain. It is enormous, and impressive. Nothing growing on it, just smooth rock sloping up for hundreds of feet. This mountain was formed by a massive lava flow some several thousands of years ago. Large sections of it are just smooth, sloping, enormous, dome shaped slags. I stop to admire it as the group walks by, and then I go to join them.
Just around the corner everyone is sitting down and taking out their water bottles. Break time. I sit, and hydrate, and revel in how much I am enjoying my morning. We sit for about 15 minutes and then everyone stands up. I'm excited to get going, and I'm wondering where the path leads next.
And then something funny happens. One of the old Korean man walks back the way we came. We start fallowing him. He walks back to where the giant sloping rock face is, turns, and starts walking up it.
Allow me to take a moment to describe in more detail exactly what is happening with this rock face. When I say sloping rock face, I don't mean that it's like a steep ramp, a steady walk up a hill. The side of this mountain is nearing a 60 degree angle. Think about that. A 45 degree angle, which would be considered fairly steep, is pretty easy to imagine. A 60 degree angle is half way between that, and a vertical wall. Mathematically it is a slope of 3 vertical units for every one horizontal unit. It's really fucking steep. I'm guessing that this wasn't quite 60, maybe more around 55, but still. Steep. And as I said before, entirely smooth. Theres nothing to grab onto, nothing to hold onto, just flat rock surface for hundreds of feet. And so when the first guy just started walking up it, I had a definite moment of, wait, what? THAT'S where were going?!?
And it was. And let me tell you, it was terrifying. 100 feet is about a third of a football field. Which doesn't seem like that far when your talking about walking 100 feet, or something being 100 feet away. 100 feet suddenly takes on a whole new meaning when it's 100 feet up, when, say, you walk 100 feet up a 60 fucking degree angle, and you turn around and look 100 feet down. Suddenly, 100 feet is a very very long distance. Because again, there was nothing to hold onto. The only thing keeping you on the wall of this mountain is the friction on your shoes. And if that gives, if you slip, if you start sliding, that can get out of control real fast, and there's nothing to slow you down except the eventual flat ground.
And the image I had in my head of me tumbling wildly down the side of this mountain was all too vivid after 100 feet. And I looked up ahead to where the leader had stopped, and I wasn't even half way there. However, soon he started playing a small ocarina-type instrument. I imagine he was playing some sort of Korean folk music. It had that sort of sound to it. He played it very well, and it was beautiful. The sweet melody hung around the mountain like a gentle fog, chasing away my fears and giving me the strength to continue. And, miraculously, I made it to the safety of the flat location, where we rested again, and drank more water. I looked back over what I had done, how far I had come. The view was spectacular. I could see so much of the city. And I was proud of myself for having accomplished it. I was ready for the rest of the hike, now certain that the most difficult part must be over.
But that was just the beginning. I didn't know it at the time, but we were probably only about 15 percent up the mountain. The rest of the hike would be mostly the same as that. Walking up impossibly steep angles for hundreds of feet at a time with nothing to hold onto. Well, that's not entirely true. Occasionally for the more difficult spots, one of the leaders would drop a rope, run up to a fairly stable spot, and then brace themselves. You weren't supposed to use the rope to pull yourself up, as it was just a person holding onto the other end. But it was there as a safety net in case you started to slip, and was psychologically very helpful. On two separate occasions, for the steepest and most difficult slopes (I'm talking maybe 75 degrees) one of the leaders found a place in the rock to actually anchor the rope with rock climbing equipment, and you did use the rope to support the majority of your weight as you pulled yourself up.
On one occasion we walked up a giant slope, around a giant rock at the top, and then down the other side, in order to walk around another cliff, and then back up another insane slope. Walking down one of those slopes was one of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring moments of the day. Again, still terrifying. The way to do it is to actually walk facing forwards, body strait, but bent pretty significantly at the knees, and to just slowly put one foot in front of the other. And here your are, walking on the side of a mountain, with absolutely nothing around you, except the entire city right in front of you. It's such an incredible feeling. You feel so large. The city is so small. There's nothing but air around you. Trees far below. Not attached to anything. It's incredible. But still terrifying.
Walking up these slopes is massively counter intuitive. Instinct when climbing is to keep your body low to the ground, lowering your center of gravity, and giving you more control. For walking up a steep slope however, you actually want to stand up as much as possible. The reason is that, again, the only thing keeping you on the side of the rock is the friction of your shoes. The higher you stand, the more directly over your shoes, the more friction. To lower yourself, to try and climb up the slope using your hands and knees, actually reduces the amount of friction on your shoes, makes it more likely to slip. So you want to stand up. But this is completely counterintuitive and feels really scary to do.
Every time the leader would stop for an extended period of time, he would play his flute. Every melody, every sound, was beautiful. And the atmosphere it created was no less than majestic. It was almost otherworldly. To be in such an intense situation, to be so scared, literally scared for you life, and then to hear this calming peaceful melody, out in the middle of no where, away from civilization on the side of a mountain, is just indescribable. It was heavenly. It was angelic. It was miraculous. Please understand, I use these words with very intense meaning not lightly. There is no word too dramatic to describe the feelings that sound elicited.
Also, I have to add, the Korean men on this trip really amazed and astounded me. All the expats are terrified, and struggling, and in awe of what we are actually doing on this hike. Meanwhile, the Koreans are just casually walking around the side of this mountain like ants on a wall, as if they are simply going for their morning stroll. Koreans are hard-core man.
Finally, after a particularly difficult stretch that involved the need for anchored rope in spots, that several people got stuck on for a while, and that seemed to push the limits of what everyone (expats at least) was capable of, we came to a nice shady flat spot, and stopped for lunch. I had some pastry and some beef jerky in my back pack. Other people had fruit, vegetables, various Korean things, and everybody shared. We were almost at the top, there was only one more slope to go. One expat joked, "Where we sit and wait for the helicopter to get us, right?" I replied that I though we were taking the elevator back down. Someone else laughed at how amazing it would be if there was an ice cream stand at the top. I said that if there was an ice cream stand at the top, I would shit myself.
After lunch we got up, and hiked a short distance to the final slope. My feet and my calves are killing me. I don't have much strength left that I can force out of the lower half of my body. And when we arrive at the last slope, my jaw drops. It's not as long as many of the others, but it's long enough so that you still don't want to slip and tumble down it. But it's the steepest we've done so far without an anchored rope, and the Koreans don't seem to intend to lay one. They start up it, and what choice do I have? This is one of those trips from which, after a very early point, there was simply no turning back. The only way was forward, and here again I was struck by this harsh reality. I didn't want to do it. I was scared, and tired, and sore. And every ounce of me was against climbing this insanely steep slope. But what choice did I have?
It was completely smooth, probably about 65 degree, maybe even 70 degrees for a few short stretches. I make it about 85 percent of the way up, and then I get stuck. I can't go any farther, I simply freeze. It's too steep, my shoes don't have enough grip, and I don't feasibly see a way I can go. The Koreans encourage me. I take a step, and other step, and then I start to slip. Suddenly my shoes lose their grip and I start sliding backwards. I freak out. I scream. My mind is racing with images of chaotic tumbling down the side of a mountain. I start to panic. Real panic. My heart starts beating so fast that it hurts. I start breathing quickly. I'm completely not calm. I feel dizzy. I try desperately to dig my feet in, to find stable footing, but I'm still sliding backwards. In my panic I forget about the mechanics of slope climbing, and I lower my center of gravity, which reduces friction, and I start sliding even more.
This all happened in the time span of about 5 seconds. Luckily, the Koreans had their shit together. One of the more experienced climbers wasn't far behind me. She climbed up behind me, and braced the back of my shoe with her hand, stopping my descent. I breathed deep. A slowed my heart. I regained my footing. I took another step, and immediately felt her hand behind my shoe again. Another step, and again her hand was there. And in this manner I slowly walked up the last 20 feet to the summit of the mountain.
Well, more or less. There was a short walk through the woods, and one very short section of traditional bouldering, which I loved. In terms of climbing, I'm definitely most comfortable when I have hand holds. I feel that's probably a fairly natural thing.
We get to the summit, and I see a helipad. This makes me laugh. And then, about 20 feet away from that, a man selling ice-cream. I did not, in fact, shit myself. I did, however, buy ice-cream. You may wonder how he got it up there. He took the stairs. There was an easy trail on the other side. We just took the terrifying death defying way for shits a giggles I suppose.
So I sat at the top of this mountain, eating my popsicle, and I did a good deal of thinking. I thought about the nature of bravery. I knew I had been brave, in the rational I'm still scared sort of way. But that kind of bravery isn't emotionally satisfying, it is emotionally taxing. It's an incredibly difficult thing to fight true, honest to god terror. And it feels good to succeed. Bt it doesn't feel so good to be that scared and to have fight against instinct.
I thought about being alive, and about the fact that I had truly just survived something. That felt very good. And it also felt good to think of in terms of accomplishment. To think, "I climbed a fucking mountain today, a real mountain, and I fucking climbed it!"
And it occurred to me several times during the climb that the hike was somewhat analogous to my journey here in Korea. Getting here was just the start of the adventure. It is both difficult and scary. I will do do things I never thought I would do, and accomplish things I never thought I could accomplish. But it will also be unimaginably rewarding. There will be moments of strife and of pain, but there will be moments of rest and of peace. And just when I think I can't go any further, there will be an old Korean man playing the flute.
Well, ok, maybe not that last part. But certainly the hike was analogous, not just to my journey in Korea, but to any difficult undertaking in life. Even, perhaps, to life itself. And let me say, that some of the most spectacular views I've ever had in my entire life were during this trip. And was most cleanly worth it.
We took the stairs back down. It was a nice pleasant trail. Very simple. Very calm. Very relaxing. A nice pleasant walk through the woods. Afterwards we went to a little Korean restaurant and had lunch. And then I went home.
It was a wonderful morning/afternoon, and I made some new friends. I have a profound and intense affection especially for the Koreans who were so wonderful, patient, and helpful. I'm looking very much forward to hiking with them again in the future. Though I can't say I want to do that particular hike again. For the record, I do have pictures to share. I will post them soon. I have to figure out how to get them from my lap tap (has no Internet) to my iPad (has Internet). And then I have to figure out the best way to share them. I'm not sure how pictures work on this site. I may end up just making an album on Facebook. In any case, I will let you guys know.
Until next time.
-Mongoose
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Evening Thoughts
This city makes strange noises. I've noticed several times, especially in the back alleys, that it always sounds like there's a huge crowd just around the corner. There never is. Your turn the corner, and there's just a bunch of people walking around, and then it sounds like the big crowd is just around the next corner. I've been wondering why this is, and I've finally developed a theory.
I think it works something like a seashell. And keep in mind that I don't really know why a seashell makes the noise it does when you hold it up to your ear, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with its shape and the way it funnels vibrations. My best guess is that this city is so vast, and so busy, that the noises of the people from all around just echo off of the buildings and travel down the alleyways, creating the sense that there's a large group of people shouting just a few hundred feet away.
Sometimes I feel like coming here was a mistake. And sometimes I've never been happier. Sometimes the concept of spending a whole year here seems unbearable. And sometimes it's not enough time. This is the most bipolar experience I've ever had in my life. As I'm starting to make more and more friends, and as work is getting easier, the difficulty is revealing itself to be a lack of anything meaningful to do with my free time.
The first difficulty was the stress of work, and how quickly I was expected to just do it. As that started to ease, the next difficulty was loneliness, and not knowing anyone, not having anyone to eat or drink with. And now that problem too has faded. But when I come home from work, and I have my evening, I'm not sure how to fill it.
I've been watching a lot of movies. That's a distraction, but it's not been fulfilling. I've been working on a chain mail project for a very special person, but aside from that I'm surprised to find the prospect of chain mail less appealing and less fulfilling then it was back home. I'm not sure exactly why that is yet. I have my flute, and my oil pastels, and I've been drawing and playing, which is fulfilling temporarily, but doesn't leave me with a satisfied feeling of accomplishment when I'm done. Again, I'm not sure why.
I think it has something to do with what I actually want to do with my life. Drawing and making music are nice hobbies, but they aren't what I want to do with my life. Perhaps it is the same with making chain mail. Of all the arts I've ever studied, chain mail is the one I have the most mastery of. But perhaps, deep down, I don't want to spend my life making chain mail. As much as i love it, and as good as I am, I don't think it is my life long calling.
When I have freed time, I think a lot about the future, what I want to do, and what I need to do now to get there. But the enduring problem is that I do not know what I want to do, and thus I have no idea what must be done to get there. I like teaching, but I do not want to spend my life teaching English to foreigners. The two most fulfilling activities, I find, are socializing, and writing.
Why socializing? Is it because we are just such social creatures, that this is an instinct as intrinsic as food and sex? Or is it something more personal to me, that I am as an individual more prone towards social interaction. I think the answer is yes. I do think we are social by nature, but not intrinsically so. The existence of introverts supports this idea. I had a very good conversation with a self proclaimed introvert over the summer who explained to me that introversion has nothing to do with shyness. "Introversion is the seeking of satisfaction within, while extroversion is the seeking of satisfaction without", she said. This makes sense. And now, put in a situation where my ability to interact with others is greatly limited, I have to admit that introversion seems like the wiser philosophy. And while I can certainly be shy at times, alas, I am an extrovert.
And why writing? Well, certainly in part, because it allows me to stay in contact with all of you. So it fulfills, in part, that extroverted tendency. But it goes beyond that, because even on the occasions that I have written privately, it has left me with the same feeling of satisfaction that writing to you, posting on my blog, gives me.
I've noticed that I think best while I write. My thoughts are chaotic and jumbled and hard to follow. But when I put them down in writing, it helps me to organize and understand them. I have my greatest realizations and understandings only while I am writing. Does it seem like I have these diatribes planned out? I certainly do not. They flow from my mind and my fingertips as they are happening, surprising me just as much, if not more so, then they do you. Maybe that is the source of my love of English, which I have come to embrace even more so since becoming a teacher of the subject. Were it not for the written word, I'm not sure I would know how to think properly.
So playing flute, and drawing, and even making chain mail, are not how I want to spend my life. They entertain me, but they do not fulfill my need for progress. And yet writing and socializing do. Writing, and people. My two greatest passions I suppose. It seems, at this moment in time at least, that my destiny must be to write about people. And so I shall, as much as possible.
In general, I plan and intend to post un update to my blog every Sunday. If you have a desire to be a regular reader, Sunday is probably a good time to check it. This mid week post is simply a matter of the fact that I had too much on my mind not to express. And, of course, because I needed to write. Besides, I missed a posting on at least one Sunday, so I owed you guys one.
Oh, and please, feel free to comment on my actual blog. I've received a number of comments on Facebook, and it's become apparent that a number of people actually read this thing, but posting comments on the blog itself is still much appreciated. It's kind of like proof, ya know? And I promise I'll respond.
Until next time
-Mongoose
I think it works something like a seashell. And keep in mind that I don't really know why a seashell makes the noise it does when you hold it up to your ear, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with its shape and the way it funnels vibrations. My best guess is that this city is so vast, and so busy, that the noises of the people from all around just echo off of the buildings and travel down the alleyways, creating the sense that there's a large group of people shouting just a few hundred feet away.
Sometimes I feel like coming here was a mistake. And sometimes I've never been happier. Sometimes the concept of spending a whole year here seems unbearable. And sometimes it's not enough time. This is the most bipolar experience I've ever had in my life. As I'm starting to make more and more friends, and as work is getting easier, the difficulty is revealing itself to be a lack of anything meaningful to do with my free time.
The first difficulty was the stress of work, and how quickly I was expected to just do it. As that started to ease, the next difficulty was loneliness, and not knowing anyone, not having anyone to eat or drink with. And now that problem too has faded. But when I come home from work, and I have my evening, I'm not sure how to fill it.
I've been watching a lot of movies. That's a distraction, but it's not been fulfilling. I've been working on a chain mail project for a very special person, but aside from that I'm surprised to find the prospect of chain mail less appealing and less fulfilling then it was back home. I'm not sure exactly why that is yet. I have my flute, and my oil pastels, and I've been drawing and playing, which is fulfilling temporarily, but doesn't leave me with a satisfied feeling of accomplishment when I'm done. Again, I'm not sure why.
I think it has something to do with what I actually want to do with my life. Drawing and making music are nice hobbies, but they aren't what I want to do with my life. Perhaps it is the same with making chain mail. Of all the arts I've ever studied, chain mail is the one I have the most mastery of. But perhaps, deep down, I don't want to spend my life making chain mail. As much as i love it, and as good as I am, I don't think it is my life long calling.
When I have freed time, I think a lot about the future, what I want to do, and what I need to do now to get there. But the enduring problem is that I do not know what I want to do, and thus I have no idea what must be done to get there. I like teaching, but I do not want to spend my life teaching English to foreigners. The two most fulfilling activities, I find, are socializing, and writing.
Why socializing? Is it because we are just such social creatures, that this is an instinct as intrinsic as food and sex? Or is it something more personal to me, that I am as an individual more prone towards social interaction. I think the answer is yes. I do think we are social by nature, but not intrinsically so. The existence of introverts supports this idea. I had a very good conversation with a self proclaimed introvert over the summer who explained to me that introversion has nothing to do with shyness. "Introversion is the seeking of satisfaction within, while extroversion is the seeking of satisfaction without", she said. This makes sense. And now, put in a situation where my ability to interact with others is greatly limited, I have to admit that introversion seems like the wiser philosophy. And while I can certainly be shy at times, alas, I am an extrovert.
And why writing? Well, certainly in part, because it allows me to stay in contact with all of you. So it fulfills, in part, that extroverted tendency. But it goes beyond that, because even on the occasions that I have written privately, it has left me with the same feeling of satisfaction that writing to you, posting on my blog, gives me.
I've noticed that I think best while I write. My thoughts are chaotic and jumbled and hard to follow. But when I put them down in writing, it helps me to organize and understand them. I have my greatest realizations and understandings only while I am writing. Does it seem like I have these diatribes planned out? I certainly do not. They flow from my mind and my fingertips as they are happening, surprising me just as much, if not more so, then they do you. Maybe that is the source of my love of English, which I have come to embrace even more so since becoming a teacher of the subject. Were it not for the written word, I'm not sure I would know how to think properly.
So playing flute, and drawing, and even making chain mail, are not how I want to spend my life. They entertain me, but they do not fulfill my need for progress. And yet writing and socializing do. Writing, and people. My two greatest passions I suppose. It seems, at this moment in time at least, that my destiny must be to write about people. And so I shall, as much as possible.
In general, I plan and intend to post un update to my blog every Sunday. If you have a desire to be a regular reader, Sunday is probably a good time to check it. This mid week post is simply a matter of the fact that I had too much on my mind not to express. And, of course, because I needed to write. Besides, I missed a posting on at least one Sunday, so I owed you guys one.
Oh, and please, feel free to comment on my actual blog. I've received a number of comments on Facebook, and it's become apparent that a number of people actually read this thing, but posting comments on the blog itself is still much appreciated. It's kind of like proof, ya know? And I promise I'll respond.
Until next time
-Mongoose
Sunday, September 11, 2011
History and Culture
The Korean War ended on July 27, 1953, officially establishing two separate governments on the Korean peninsula, those of the North and of the South. I think the majority of Americans are at least somewhat familiar with the Korean war, though it does seem to receive somewhat less focus and discussion than many of the other wars we have been involved in. Still, you will be hard pressed to find someone that doesn't know about North and South Korea, and the basic story of how that happened.
But from the end of the Korean War, and thus the end of American involvement, I think you will find that very few Americans know just about anything regarding the history and development of The Republic of South Korea.
I imagine that the common view in the west would go something like this: "South Korea established an independent democratic government at the end of the Korean War. Obviously, it must have been an effective government, because today South Korea is the worlds 15th largest economy, and a thriving developed nation with civil rights and social liberties." It is more or less the assumption I made prior to researching it, and the view essentially draws a strait line between the two bits of information most of us have, namely South Korea right after the war and South Korea today.
But the line from then to now was far from strait. First off, the Republic that controls South Korea today is not the same one that was established after the war. It is an entirely separate constitution and set of laws from that government. In fact, the current Republic of South Korea is the 6th Republic to control the country, the 6th constitution established in the past 60 years. Think about that for just one second. Since the end of the Korean War, a given established government in South Korea has lasted, on average, about ten years.
So, It is the summer of 1953, South Korea and North Korea have signed an armistice, and agreed to split the peninsula in half. In South Korea, the fight was led primarily by a man named Syngmann Rhee, and he was the one to officially establish and declare The Republic of South Korea. Elections were held, and he was elected as the first president of South Korea. However, although his reign started out as democratic, it quickly turned autocratic. He spent the majority of the 1950's attempting to establish his authority, increase his power, and hang on to his position. He forced through a change in the constitution eliminating a two term limit on the presidency. He rigged elections. Towards the end of his presidency he was executing political opponents, and quelling uprisings by massacring his own people. Of course, we all know what this type of governing inevitably leads to, and eventually massive protests and demonstrations forced him to step down. He resigned in 1960 and lived out his remaining years in exile.
At the end of the Korean war, South Korea was essentially a third world country. Over the course of his seven years in power, he did nothing to change this. In 1960, Nominal GDP per capita (basically GDP divided by population) was around $70.
The second republic established a more heavily parliamentary government, in which the prime minister is more important than the president. There's really very little to say about the Second Republic, because it lasted a very short amount of time. It made no attempt at political suppression whatsoever, which is a good thing. Suddenly people had the right to demonstrate and express their voice, and hold protests. And they did. A lot. You see, the second republic failed in just about every way to handle the poor living conditions, manage the social unrest, or make peoples lives better in any significant way. And this was at a time when things were really very bad, and so people weren't willing to wait all that long. A military coup overthrew the Second Republic less than a year later, in 1961.
The military over throw of the Second Republic was led by General Park Chung-hee. This becomes an extremely important man in recent Korean History. He initiated the coup out of concern that the rapidly destabilizing government would soon collapse with disastrous consequences. Upon the success of the coup, he declared martial law, with the promise that a democratic government would be established within two years. He kept this promise, and a new constitution was drafted and established, and the Third Republic began with elections in 1963.
General Park himself won the elections, albeit by a narrow margin. In 1963 the Nominal GDP per capita was around $110. Park promised that within a decade, every Korean citizen would have a refrigerator and a car, luxuries that most people at the time wouldn't have dared to dream of. But Park set to work with a series of economic developments that positioned Korea as an international exporter. He positioned the country as a center for oil refining, and as a producer of metals to be used in manufacturing. Under Park, the country grew into one of the largest international producers and seller of ships.
That story specifically is actually rather amusing. The Koreans didn't know how to build ships. No one had ever done it before. There was no one with experience, no one with the equipment, and they didn't even have a proper dock or ship yard. Park basically bought all the parts along with what essentially amounted to a construction manual from another country, and set a team to work figuring out how to build industrial grade ships from scratch. He then set a second team to work building a dock for the boat at the same time. They build the boat in two pieces, and then went to assemble it, but the pieces didn't fit together. So they had to go back to work hammering and adjusting and what not. Finally, they got everything done, and put it in the water to see if it would float. And it did! Five years later, South Korea was one of the largest international exporters of industrial ships, and considered an expert on the matter.
And that is what Park did for the country. He had vision, and direction, and drive. But he also worked the people incredibly hard. The crews mentioned in the ship building story were working 20 hours a day for months on end. And that wasn't a rare occurrence under Park. Working conditions were terrible everywhere. And while wealth was finally beginning to flow into the country, park forcibly kept wages relatively low in order to maintain South Koreas viability as a major exporter. Cheap labor means cheap goods, which means high demand.
Politically, he too slowly degraded into an autocrat. He was reelected into his second term in 1967. Like Rhee, he then forced a measure through parliament that would allow him to seek a third term. This angered many people, and there were demonstrations. Still, somehow he managed to win a third election n 1971. Social unrest was growing again, and parliament was discussing ways of removing him from office. In 1972 he responded by declaring a state of national emergency, and with the reinstitution of martial law.
After establishing martial law, Park rewrites the constitution, essentially establishing himself as president for life, and giving him control over parliament. This new constitution also marks the beginning of the Fourth Republic, which was really a republic in name only. For the next 7 years he continues to grow the economy while keeping wages low and working conditions poor. He reacts to political opposition with an iron fist. Social unrest continues to increase until his eventual assassination by the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency in 1979.
Park started off with good intentions, I am sure. And in truth, he did a lot of good things for the country. By the end of his 18 year reign across two separate constitutions and two instances of martial law, the Nominal GDP per capita had increased from just over $100 to $1795.
After the assassination, everything was chaos for a little while. The prime minister because president, but there was another military coup six days later. There were demonstrations and protests, a couple of massacres, some rearranging of people in office, and the constitution was rewritten yet again, thus establishing the beginning of the 5th republic.
A man named Chun is the president now, and has once again seized his position with military force. The Koreans are sort of tired of this, and don't trust him. He promises to only serve a single 7 year term, and starts to do many good things for the country. He improves working conditions, and ceases to force down wages. He builds museums and parks. The Korean economy flourishes. Still, because he seized power by military force, at the end of his term, the Koreans demand change. They want direct elections again, and there are protests and demonstrations. He adheres to the demands of the people, rewrites the constitution to allow for direct elections once again, and steps down from office in 1989. This marks the end of the 5th republic. In 1989 the Nominal GDP per capita had risen to $5551.
Finally in the 90's we see the beginning of the Korea we know today. For the first time in 40 years the government is run by a civilian, rather then military, leader. I think there have been 5 separate presidents over the past 20 years, though I won't go into detail on them. The important thing is that in the 6th Republic, South Korea has finally achieved a secure, democratic, developed society. Economic growth took off like crazy in the 90,s. By 2007 Nominal GDP per capita had hit the $20,000 milestone that some economist somewhere said was significant for some reason. Yay Korea!
So why have I dedicated a rather long blogpost to this topic? Why is it important to me? Because it helps me understand the culture of the society I am currently living in. That's a very intense and chaotic recent history. That's a lot of political strife to go through. And a large part of the population that lives here remembers it! The grandparents of the children I teach are the ones that worked the brutal hours under the oppressive regime of Park. The parents of the people my age are the ones who protested and demonstrated under different regimes, enduring brutal denial of civil rights and occasionally large massacres of civilians. All of this happened here not all that long ago. The people my age are the first generation in Korea to not remember any of that. Yet still, in their life time the Nominal GDP per capita has quadrupled, bringing wealth in their adult lives that they hardly could have imagined as children.
And the result, culturally, is that Korea currently exists in a state not dissimilar to the American 1950's. Having achieved an end to decades of struggle and hardship, and having obtained wealth and prosperity, maintaining the status quo is incredibly important here. They don't want social strife, and they don't desire cultural change. The result is an incredibly high emphasis placed on social norms, and the proper way to act. There is a lot of peer pressure towards being normal, and fitting in. The culture is somewhat materialistic, and much status is placed in brand-name clothing and electronics. Much more than in the states, if you can believe that.
But all the positive aspects of the 1950's also exists in Korean culture. There's a friendliness and a willingness to help each other. They have all the sweet but cheesy family values that we long ago stopped truly living by in the states. It's also an honorable society, with a relatively low crime rate. I was here for two weeks before I saw a single police car. And I still haven't seen a second one. Imagine spending a month in New York City and only seeing a single cop. It'd be weird, huh?
There's a place near one of the subway stations where I can barrow a bike for the day. I just show the guy my I.D. and he gives me a bike. I don't have to pay, or give him any information, or even leave my I.D. with him. I just get a free bike for the day with no questions asked. I'm supposed to bring it back by 6:00 PM. I asked my coworker what happens if I don't bring it back in time. She said, "Wow, um, I imagine he would probably call the police assuming something had happened to you." That's right, he would call the police not because he'd think that I stole the bike. No, his assumption would be that I'm in mortal peril. That's Korea for you.
But, I wonder what will happen as this younger generation, the one that I am teaching, grows up. They are the first generation to be born into wealth, and to have the freedom to obtain knowledge that the Internet provides. I imagine they will be more individualistic and culturally independent than the generations before them. And with every successive generation, the culture will become more removed from the pain and fear that living under an oppressive regime creates. So, Korea may be a bit in the 1950's right now, but I imagine that their 1960's are on the horizon.
The interesting thing is though, that while the Korean culture is a bit socially limiting, it really works and functions much better than our 1950's did. Well, to be fair they don't have Jim Crow laws and oppressive gender expectations to deal with. So, perhaps their 60's will be less full of strife, and more like an awakening to individuality. Or perhaps I'm wrong and the status quo will be maintained for quite a long time.
In any case, it's a fascinating culture, and I'm very much honored to have the opportunity to observe it. Until next time.
-Mongoose
But from the end of the Korean War, and thus the end of American involvement, I think you will find that very few Americans know just about anything regarding the history and development of The Republic of South Korea.
I imagine that the common view in the west would go something like this: "South Korea established an independent democratic government at the end of the Korean War. Obviously, it must have been an effective government, because today South Korea is the worlds 15th largest economy, and a thriving developed nation with civil rights and social liberties." It is more or less the assumption I made prior to researching it, and the view essentially draws a strait line between the two bits of information most of us have, namely South Korea right after the war and South Korea today.
But the line from then to now was far from strait. First off, the Republic that controls South Korea today is not the same one that was established after the war. It is an entirely separate constitution and set of laws from that government. In fact, the current Republic of South Korea is the 6th Republic to control the country, the 6th constitution established in the past 60 years. Think about that for just one second. Since the end of the Korean War, a given established government in South Korea has lasted, on average, about ten years.
So, It is the summer of 1953, South Korea and North Korea have signed an armistice, and agreed to split the peninsula in half. In South Korea, the fight was led primarily by a man named Syngmann Rhee, and he was the one to officially establish and declare The Republic of South Korea. Elections were held, and he was elected as the first president of South Korea. However, although his reign started out as democratic, it quickly turned autocratic. He spent the majority of the 1950's attempting to establish his authority, increase his power, and hang on to his position. He forced through a change in the constitution eliminating a two term limit on the presidency. He rigged elections. Towards the end of his presidency he was executing political opponents, and quelling uprisings by massacring his own people. Of course, we all know what this type of governing inevitably leads to, and eventually massive protests and demonstrations forced him to step down. He resigned in 1960 and lived out his remaining years in exile.
At the end of the Korean war, South Korea was essentially a third world country. Over the course of his seven years in power, he did nothing to change this. In 1960, Nominal GDP per capita (basically GDP divided by population) was around $70.
The second republic established a more heavily parliamentary government, in which the prime minister is more important than the president. There's really very little to say about the Second Republic, because it lasted a very short amount of time. It made no attempt at political suppression whatsoever, which is a good thing. Suddenly people had the right to demonstrate and express their voice, and hold protests. And they did. A lot. You see, the second republic failed in just about every way to handle the poor living conditions, manage the social unrest, or make peoples lives better in any significant way. And this was at a time when things were really very bad, and so people weren't willing to wait all that long. A military coup overthrew the Second Republic less than a year later, in 1961.
The military over throw of the Second Republic was led by General Park Chung-hee. This becomes an extremely important man in recent Korean History. He initiated the coup out of concern that the rapidly destabilizing government would soon collapse with disastrous consequences. Upon the success of the coup, he declared martial law, with the promise that a democratic government would be established within two years. He kept this promise, and a new constitution was drafted and established, and the Third Republic began with elections in 1963.
General Park himself won the elections, albeit by a narrow margin. In 1963 the Nominal GDP per capita was around $110. Park promised that within a decade, every Korean citizen would have a refrigerator and a car, luxuries that most people at the time wouldn't have dared to dream of. But Park set to work with a series of economic developments that positioned Korea as an international exporter. He positioned the country as a center for oil refining, and as a producer of metals to be used in manufacturing. Under Park, the country grew into one of the largest international producers and seller of ships.
That story specifically is actually rather amusing. The Koreans didn't know how to build ships. No one had ever done it before. There was no one with experience, no one with the equipment, and they didn't even have a proper dock or ship yard. Park basically bought all the parts along with what essentially amounted to a construction manual from another country, and set a team to work figuring out how to build industrial grade ships from scratch. He then set a second team to work building a dock for the boat at the same time. They build the boat in two pieces, and then went to assemble it, but the pieces didn't fit together. So they had to go back to work hammering and adjusting and what not. Finally, they got everything done, and put it in the water to see if it would float. And it did! Five years later, South Korea was one of the largest international exporters of industrial ships, and considered an expert on the matter.
And that is what Park did for the country. He had vision, and direction, and drive. But he also worked the people incredibly hard. The crews mentioned in the ship building story were working 20 hours a day for months on end. And that wasn't a rare occurrence under Park. Working conditions were terrible everywhere. And while wealth was finally beginning to flow into the country, park forcibly kept wages relatively low in order to maintain South Koreas viability as a major exporter. Cheap labor means cheap goods, which means high demand.
Politically, he too slowly degraded into an autocrat. He was reelected into his second term in 1967. Like Rhee, he then forced a measure through parliament that would allow him to seek a third term. This angered many people, and there were demonstrations. Still, somehow he managed to win a third election n 1971. Social unrest was growing again, and parliament was discussing ways of removing him from office. In 1972 he responded by declaring a state of national emergency, and with the reinstitution of martial law.
After establishing martial law, Park rewrites the constitution, essentially establishing himself as president for life, and giving him control over parliament. This new constitution also marks the beginning of the Fourth Republic, which was really a republic in name only. For the next 7 years he continues to grow the economy while keeping wages low and working conditions poor. He reacts to political opposition with an iron fist. Social unrest continues to increase until his eventual assassination by the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency in 1979.
Park started off with good intentions, I am sure. And in truth, he did a lot of good things for the country. By the end of his 18 year reign across two separate constitutions and two instances of martial law, the Nominal GDP per capita had increased from just over $100 to $1795.
After the assassination, everything was chaos for a little while. The prime minister because president, but there was another military coup six days later. There were demonstrations and protests, a couple of massacres, some rearranging of people in office, and the constitution was rewritten yet again, thus establishing the beginning of the 5th republic.
A man named Chun is the president now, and has once again seized his position with military force. The Koreans are sort of tired of this, and don't trust him. He promises to only serve a single 7 year term, and starts to do many good things for the country. He improves working conditions, and ceases to force down wages. He builds museums and parks. The Korean economy flourishes. Still, because he seized power by military force, at the end of his term, the Koreans demand change. They want direct elections again, and there are protests and demonstrations. He adheres to the demands of the people, rewrites the constitution to allow for direct elections once again, and steps down from office in 1989. This marks the end of the 5th republic. In 1989 the Nominal GDP per capita had risen to $5551.
Finally in the 90's we see the beginning of the Korea we know today. For the first time in 40 years the government is run by a civilian, rather then military, leader. I think there have been 5 separate presidents over the past 20 years, though I won't go into detail on them. The important thing is that in the 6th Republic, South Korea has finally achieved a secure, democratic, developed society. Economic growth took off like crazy in the 90,s. By 2007 Nominal GDP per capita had hit the $20,000 milestone that some economist somewhere said was significant for some reason. Yay Korea!
So why have I dedicated a rather long blogpost to this topic? Why is it important to me? Because it helps me understand the culture of the society I am currently living in. That's a very intense and chaotic recent history. That's a lot of political strife to go through. And a large part of the population that lives here remembers it! The grandparents of the children I teach are the ones that worked the brutal hours under the oppressive regime of Park. The parents of the people my age are the ones who protested and demonstrated under different regimes, enduring brutal denial of civil rights and occasionally large massacres of civilians. All of this happened here not all that long ago. The people my age are the first generation in Korea to not remember any of that. Yet still, in their life time the Nominal GDP per capita has quadrupled, bringing wealth in their adult lives that they hardly could have imagined as children.
And the result, culturally, is that Korea currently exists in a state not dissimilar to the American 1950's. Having achieved an end to decades of struggle and hardship, and having obtained wealth and prosperity, maintaining the status quo is incredibly important here. They don't want social strife, and they don't desire cultural change. The result is an incredibly high emphasis placed on social norms, and the proper way to act. There is a lot of peer pressure towards being normal, and fitting in. The culture is somewhat materialistic, and much status is placed in brand-name clothing and electronics. Much more than in the states, if you can believe that.
But all the positive aspects of the 1950's also exists in Korean culture. There's a friendliness and a willingness to help each other. They have all the sweet but cheesy family values that we long ago stopped truly living by in the states. It's also an honorable society, with a relatively low crime rate. I was here for two weeks before I saw a single police car. And I still haven't seen a second one. Imagine spending a month in New York City and only seeing a single cop. It'd be weird, huh?
There's a place near one of the subway stations where I can barrow a bike for the day. I just show the guy my I.D. and he gives me a bike. I don't have to pay, or give him any information, or even leave my I.D. with him. I just get a free bike for the day with no questions asked. I'm supposed to bring it back by 6:00 PM. I asked my coworker what happens if I don't bring it back in time. She said, "Wow, um, I imagine he would probably call the police assuming something had happened to you." That's right, he would call the police not because he'd think that I stole the bike. No, his assumption would be that I'm in mortal peril. That's Korea for you.
But, I wonder what will happen as this younger generation, the one that I am teaching, grows up. They are the first generation to be born into wealth, and to have the freedom to obtain knowledge that the Internet provides. I imagine they will be more individualistic and culturally independent than the generations before them. And with every successive generation, the culture will become more removed from the pain and fear that living under an oppressive regime creates. So, Korea may be a bit in the 1950's right now, but I imagine that their 1960's are on the horizon.
The interesting thing is though, that while the Korean culture is a bit socially limiting, it really works and functions much better than our 1950's did. Well, to be fair they don't have Jim Crow laws and oppressive gender expectations to deal with. So, perhaps their 60's will be less full of strife, and more like an awakening to individuality. Or perhaps I'm wrong and the status quo will be maintained for quite a long time.
In any case, it's a fascinating culture, and I'm very much honored to have the opportunity to observe it. Until next time.
-Mongoose
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Beginning
So, when last we left our hero (that would be me) he (that is, I) had finished up the first evening, and was ready for the first day at school, and the first full day in Korea.
A person from my school said she would come by to pick me up at 7:50 am, so I set my alarm for 7:00 am. I'd had to do the math from San Francisco and adjust my phones clock manually since my phone couldn't connect to a network in Korea to figure out the time automatically. Unfortunately I did the math wrong, and was off by an hour. Fortunately, I was an hour ahead of actual time instead of behind, so when my alarm went off at 7am the next morning, it was actually 6am, and not 8am.
Of course I didn't realize this right away, oh no. I thought it was 7, so I woke up, brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed, and went outside to wait for the girl who had left me the note. When I got outside my phone read 7:48. 22 minutes later, I was starting to worry something had gone wrong. Had I missed a direction? Was I supposed to meet her somewhere else? What's going on?
I walk into the lobby, and I'm about to ask to use the phone so I can call her and find out, when I see the clock on the wall. It read 7:15. My phone said 8:15. Well that would be the problem.
Fast forward one hour. Karen and I are getting on the subway. She had come exactly on time to take me to school. She was just another foreign teacher who lived in the same neighborhood as my motel. Apparently I had arrived during summer intensives, so the hours were different from normal. 8:30 am every day until 6:00 pm. Luckily it was the last week of those hours, and the schedule would return to the normal 2-10 that I had been told about the following week. She explained all this to me on the way to the subway.
The subway system here, for the record, is incredible. It's fast, efficient, clean, easy to use, and very cheap. I absolutely love it, but I will go into detail about it at a later time.
The school is a very nice facility on the third floor of a building with a number of different offices and companies working out of it. It is clean, and new looking, painted with bright pretty colors. We walk in and head strait to the teachers office, which is a large room comprised primarily of 14 computer stations/desks situated at two long tables. Karen shows me were I will sit for the day, and walks off to start her preparations for class.
I set my stuff down and before long a girl named Victoria walks in and asks me to come with her. We go into an office, we sit, and she gives me the run down. Victoria is the head foreign teacher at the school, which doesn't make her my boss exactly, but it means that any instructions/assignments, as well as complaints with my performance from the supervisor or director, will come through her. It also means that she is my go to person for any issues or questions that I have either about my job or life in Korea.
Then she gives me the situation. This is great. Apparently I'm here to replace a guy named Tristian, and his last day today (Today as of then, Thursday, august 18). Which means instead of the standard week of observation and training, I get one day, and then will be responsible for a full teaching schedule the very next day.
This was mildly stressful. I'm a fairly quick learner, but one day was not enough time to comprehend all of the various details involved with this job. So I spent the day watching, I asked a ton of questions, and by the time I left that night, I had a somewhat vague idea of how maybe the basic concept of teaching here sort of works. *Sigh*
So far my experience in Korea has been very pass or fail, sink or swim. Meaning, very often little to no explanation, direction, or help is given regarding just about everything. Mostly you're just told what needs to happen, and then left up to your own devices to make it happen, and it either happens or it doesn't. This has been one of my biggest sources of stress since coming here, but also one of my biggest sources of pride, because so far, I've made sure that everything that I need to happen, has.
So the next day I wake up, check my phone to see how long I have until the alarm goes off, and find that my phone has died. Fuck. I go down to the lobby, check the clock, it's 5:30. I cant go back to sleep, because I might not wake up, so I take a quick walk, find a 7/11 (those are really big here for some reason) and get some breakfast. I take a shower, get dressed, play angry birds for a while, and go down to the lobby again to check the time. It's now 7.
Today I have to get all my luggage to the school as well, because I'm moving into my apartment after the day is over. So I manage to communicate to the front desk that I need a taxi, and he calls one for me. I go up and grab my luggage, and manage to carry all four bags at once to the lobby. If you had seen my bags, you would know that this was a feat in and of itself. The cab driver helps me get everything into the car, and then I get in and attempt to explain to him where I'm going. Also no easy feat. I give him the name of the subway station nearest the school, and he's off. When he gets to the subway station I use gestures to direct him down another couple of streets. Keep in mind I've only been here once before, I have a terrible sense of direction in general, and I'm not really completely sure where exactly the school is. But, fate is on my side, and somehow, by blind luck, I manage to get him there. He unloads my bags, I pay him, and he leaves.
It's now 7:30. I take the elevator to the third floor, but when the door opens, there's a mettle gate up, and the lights are out. Not open yet. So I go wait in the lobby with my bags for an hour, look over my notes from the day before, and try to get myself mentally prepared.
There's really not a lot I can say about that first day of teaching, mostly because I don't really remember very much. I sort of mentally checked out for the day I suppose. I switched into survival mode, and somehow I made it happen and got through the day. But I remember it being a little nerve racking.
One of the more difficult aspects of this job is stretching the material to fit a 50 minute class. Sometimes the syllabus for the day only gives you 3 pages to cover, but somehow you have to make it last, by adding your own information, activities, etc. You absolutely do not want to run out of material with 20 minutes left in the class, that is a terrible feeling. And I think that only happened to me in one class that day. We played silly games for the rest of the time.
With the day finished, I got my stuff out of the office and into another taxi. A coworker who lives in my same building came along and gave directions this time. She helped me get my stuff into my new apartment and then took off to go get ready. There was a going away get together for the teacher I replaced.
My apartment is small, but very nice. I have a refrigerator and a freezer, a washing machine, a range stove top though no oven, a full bathroom, a desk with a chair, and plenty of storage space. Waiting for me is a big cardboard box. I open it to excitedly find a whole care package of apartment needs. Pot, pan, dish, bowl, mug, cup, spatula, knife, fork, spoon, dish washing fluid, dish scrubber, floor cleaning fluid, floor scrubber, dust pan, pillow, comforter, bed sheets, a bottle of water, and a Snickers bar. I ate the snickers bar while excitedly tearing open the plastic wrapping on everything else. I had a bit of a nesting-gasm going through everything. It was a good moment.
At 9:00 I went down out in front of my apartment to meet everyone for the going away "party" though party isn't quite the word. We had dinner and a few drinks. It was a nice evening.
The neighborhood right around my apartment building is a fabulous place. There's a ton of restaurants, bars, arcades (arcades are still a big deal here in Korea), karaoke joints, clothing and computer stores, all within about a 150 yard radius from my front door. There's, more night life in this tiny little neighborhood than in the entire city of Cleveland, and that is not an exaggeration.
Life here is certainly interesting. But I would be lying if I said that I enjoyed every minute of it. The truth is, living here is very hard. Every day is difficult, and every day has new challenges to be overcome. I've experienced joy and wonder, yes, but I've also experienced short bouts of depression. I haven't settled yet. I'm completely out of my comfort zone every minute of every day, and I have yet to find any sort of feeling of security.
One of the problems is that absolutely nothing is simple here. There's no task that can be approached with the casual attitude of "let me just take care of this real quick" because nothing is ever that easy. First the task must be analyzed, and a general assumption has to be made of where/how can I accomplish this. I then have to determine what the necessary location is and figure out how to get there. Finally, upon arriving, I have to manage to find someone who appears that they can help me, and then somehow communicate my need. It's a major headache.
Garbage bags: sounds simple, right? I just. need. garbage bags. I assume I can get garbage bags at the grocery store, and I know where one of those is. There's one right around the corner, so I go there. I find a lady with a name tag, and say "garbage bags?". She looks at me funny. That's ok, I didn't expect that to work anyway, I was prepared for this. So I take a piece of paper out of my pocket, crumple it up, and with my other hand I mime opening a bag, and then mime putting the crumpled paper into the bag. "Ohhh", she looks concerned, "Umm, you...wait...there. Right back." She walks away and grabs another employee. She says some stuff in Korean to the guy, and he comes over to me. I repeat the motion for garbage bags that I have invented. He also develops a look of concern. He holds up a finger and walks away. He gets yet another employee, says some stuff to her, and she starts walking over. I repeat my gesture, and she nods and repeats it back to me. She speaks some English. "Garbage bags, umm, different here. Have to get in your neighborhood." "Oh, ok. But this is my neighborhood. I live in Cheonho. I just moved here." She laughs. "No no, not here. Convenience store." "Ohhh, ok." So I thank them and leave.
Apparently I need to go to a convenience store. That shouldn't be too difficult. There's tons of those around. So I stop in one, and look around. Don't see any. I go up to the guy behind the counter and repeat my gesture. He crosses his arms to make an "X" which is the gesture here in Korea for "no". Alright, fine. I go to another. Look around, don't see any. Repeat the gesture, crossed arms. Ok. Down the street there's another. Look around, gesture, negative. God damn it! I just need some fucking garbage bags!!
Next convenience store. I make my gesture, and the guy looks confused. I repeat, with more precision, he holds out his hand. I look at him confused, he points to a garbage can behind the counter. "No, no. For my apartment." He makes a "what the fuck is your problem" face, and points to a dumpster just outside. "No, no. I need to purchase. To buy. For home." Finally he gets it, "Ohhh, no no, not here." Face palm. I shrug my shoulders exaggeratedly and say "Where?". He points out the window and says "That way."
So I go outside, and walk, "that way", and see, down some dark ally with little else in it, a small non-chain store with a sign hanging that says "24 Convenience". I assume 24 hour is what they were getting at. I start walking towards it, and as I get closer I begin to get excited. I can see paper towels, and toilet paper, and tissue paper, and all those domestic goodies that few of the other convenience stores have even had. This has to be the place. I walk in. I look around. They have everything one could need for a home. Bug spray, window cleaner, foil, plastic wrap. But....this can't be....I don't see garbage bags. I look again. They have to be here. I tear every inch if the tiny store apart, but I don't see them. I go up to the counter, and I make my gesture for garbage bags. "Not here." I leave with a sigh.
I kept trying, and eventually I did find them. But that story was to illustrate my point that nothing here, and I mean absolutely nothing, is ever simple. It makes it difficult to get motivated to actually do anything, because I know that no matter what it is, it's going to be a hassle at some point or another. And a week and a half into it, it's starting to wear on me a bit. I haven't had a relaxing day. I'm still not really set up with everything I need, and so there's still more things I need to get, which means more things to figure out. And it's kinda fun. I mean it's part of the adventure, it's why I came here. It's certainly growing me into a more independent, self sufficient, determined and capable person. But it's also exhausting. And now, after my first full week here, I'm just tired.
Thanks for bearing with me through the exceptionally long post. I'll try to keep them more manageable in the future.
-Mongoose
A person from my school said she would come by to pick me up at 7:50 am, so I set my alarm for 7:00 am. I'd had to do the math from San Francisco and adjust my phones clock manually since my phone couldn't connect to a network in Korea to figure out the time automatically. Unfortunately I did the math wrong, and was off by an hour. Fortunately, I was an hour ahead of actual time instead of behind, so when my alarm went off at 7am the next morning, it was actually 6am, and not 8am.
Of course I didn't realize this right away, oh no. I thought it was 7, so I woke up, brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed, and went outside to wait for the girl who had left me the note. When I got outside my phone read 7:48. 22 minutes later, I was starting to worry something had gone wrong. Had I missed a direction? Was I supposed to meet her somewhere else? What's going on?
I walk into the lobby, and I'm about to ask to use the phone so I can call her and find out, when I see the clock on the wall. It read 7:15. My phone said 8:15. Well that would be the problem.
Fast forward one hour. Karen and I are getting on the subway. She had come exactly on time to take me to school. She was just another foreign teacher who lived in the same neighborhood as my motel. Apparently I had arrived during summer intensives, so the hours were different from normal. 8:30 am every day until 6:00 pm. Luckily it was the last week of those hours, and the schedule would return to the normal 2-10 that I had been told about the following week. She explained all this to me on the way to the subway.
The subway system here, for the record, is incredible. It's fast, efficient, clean, easy to use, and very cheap. I absolutely love it, but I will go into detail about it at a later time.
The school is a very nice facility on the third floor of a building with a number of different offices and companies working out of it. It is clean, and new looking, painted with bright pretty colors. We walk in and head strait to the teachers office, which is a large room comprised primarily of 14 computer stations/desks situated at two long tables. Karen shows me were I will sit for the day, and walks off to start her preparations for class.
I set my stuff down and before long a girl named Victoria walks in and asks me to come with her. We go into an office, we sit, and she gives me the run down. Victoria is the head foreign teacher at the school, which doesn't make her my boss exactly, but it means that any instructions/assignments, as well as complaints with my performance from the supervisor or director, will come through her. It also means that she is my go to person for any issues or questions that I have either about my job or life in Korea.
Then she gives me the situation. This is great. Apparently I'm here to replace a guy named Tristian, and his last day today (Today as of then, Thursday, august 18). Which means instead of the standard week of observation and training, I get one day, and then will be responsible for a full teaching schedule the very next day.
This was mildly stressful. I'm a fairly quick learner, but one day was not enough time to comprehend all of the various details involved with this job. So I spent the day watching, I asked a ton of questions, and by the time I left that night, I had a somewhat vague idea of how maybe the basic concept of teaching here sort of works. *Sigh*
So far my experience in Korea has been very pass or fail, sink or swim. Meaning, very often little to no explanation, direction, or help is given regarding just about everything. Mostly you're just told what needs to happen, and then left up to your own devices to make it happen, and it either happens or it doesn't. This has been one of my biggest sources of stress since coming here, but also one of my biggest sources of pride, because so far, I've made sure that everything that I need to happen, has.
So the next day I wake up, check my phone to see how long I have until the alarm goes off, and find that my phone has died. Fuck. I go down to the lobby, check the clock, it's 5:30. I cant go back to sleep, because I might not wake up, so I take a quick walk, find a 7/11 (those are really big here for some reason) and get some breakfast. I take a shower, get dressed, play angry birds for a while, and go down to the lobby again to check the time. It's now 7.
Today I have to get all my luggage to the school as well, because I'm moving into my apartment after the day is over. So I manage to communicate to the front desk that I need a taxi, and he calls one for me. I go up and grab my luggage, and manage to carry all four bags at once to the lobby. If you had seen my bags, you would know that this was a feat in and of itself. The cab driver helps me get everything into the car, and then I get in and attempt to explain to him where I'm going. Also no easy feat. I give him the name of the subway station nearest the school, and he's off. When he gets to the subway station I use gestures to direct him down another couple of streets. Keep in mind I've only been here once before, I have a terrible sense of direction in general, and I'm not really completely sure where exactly the school is. But, fate is on my side, and somehow, by blind luck, I manage to get him there. He unloads my bags, I pay him, and he leaves.
It's now 7:30. I take the elevator to the third floor, but when the door opens, there's a mettle gate up, and the lights are out. Not open yet. So I go wait in the lobby with my bags for an hour, look over my notes from the day before, and try to get myself mentally prepared.
There's really not a lot I can say about that first day of teaching, mostly because I don't really remember very much. I sort of mentally checked out for the day I suppose. I switched into survival mode, and somehow I made it happen and got through the day. But I remember it being a little nerve racking.
One of the more difficult aspects of this job is stretching the material to fit a 50 minute class. Sometimes the syllabus for the day only gives you 3 pages to cover, but somehow you have to make it last, by adding your own information, activities, etc. You absolutely do not want to run out of material with 20 minutes left in the class, that is a terrible feeling. And I think that only happened to me in one class that day. We played silly games for the rest of the time.
With the day finished, I got my stuff out of the office and into another taxi. A coworker who lives in my same building came along and gave directions this time. She helped me get my stuff into my new apartment and then took off to go get ready. There was a going away get together for the teacher I replaced.
My apartment is small, but very nice. I have a refrigerator and a freezer, a washing machine, a range stove top though no oven, a full bathroom, a desk with a chair, and plenty of storage space. Waiting for me is a big cardboard box. I open it to excitedly find a whole care package of apartment needs. Pot, pan, dish, bowl, mug, cup, spatula, knife, fork, spoon, dish washing fluid, dish scrubber, floor cleaning fluid, floor scrubber, dust pan, pillow, comforter, bed sheets, a bottle of water, and a Snickers bar. I ate the snickers bar while excitedly tearing open the plastic wrapping on everything else. I had a bit of a nesting-gasm going through everything. It was a good moment.
At 9:00 I went down out in front of my apartment to meet everyone for the going away "party" though party isn't quite the word. We had dinner and a few drinks. It was a nice evening.
The neighborhood right around my apartment building is a fabulous place. There's a ton of restaurants, bars, arcades (arcades are still a big deal here in Korea), karaoke joints, clothing and computer stores, all within about a 150 yard radius from my front door. There's, more night life in this tiny little neighborhood than in the entire city of Cleveland, and that is not an exaggeration.
Life here is certainly interesting. But I would be lying if I said that I enjoyed every minute of it. The truth is, living here is very hard. Every day is difficult, and every day has new challenges to be overcome. I've experienced joy and wonder, yes, but I've also experienced short bouts of depression. I haven't settled yet. I'm completely out of my comfort zone every minute of every day, and I have yet to find any sort of feeling of security.
One of the problems is that absolutely nothing is simple here. There's no task that can be approached with the casual attitude of "let me just take care of this real quick" because nothing is ever that easy. First the task must be analyzed, and a general assumption has to be made of where/how can I accomplish this. I then have to determine what the necessary location is and figure out how to get there. Finally, upon arriving, I have to manage to find someone who appears that they can help me, and then somehow communicate my need. It's a major headache.
Garbage bags: sounds simple, right? I just. need. garbage bags. I assume I can get garbage bags at the grocery store, and I know where one of those is. There's one right around the corner, so I go there. I find a lady with a name tag, and say "garbage bags?". She looks at me funny. That's ok, I didn't expect that to work anyway, I was prepared for this. So I take a piece of paper out of my pocket, crumple it up, and with my other hand I mime opening a bag, and then mime putting the crumpled paper into the bag. "Ohhh", she looks concerned, "Umm, you...wait...there. Right back." She walks away and grabs another employee. She says some stuff in Korean to the guy, and he comes over to me. I repeat the motion for garbage bags that I have invented. He also develops a look of concern. He holds up a finger and walks away. He gets yet another employee, says some stuff to her, and she starts walking over. I repeat my gesture, and she nods and repeats it back to me. She speaks some English. "Garbage bags, umm, different here. Have to get in your neighborhood." "Oh, ok. But this is my neighborhood. I live in Cheonho. I just moved here." She laughs. "No no, not here. Convenience store." "Ohhh, ok." So I thank them and leave.
Apparently I need to go to a convenience store. That shouldn't be too difficult. There's tons of those around. So I stop in one, and look around. Don't see any. I go up to the guy behind the counter and repeat my gesture. He crosses his arms to make an "X" which is the gesture here in Korea for "no". Alright, fine. I go to another. Look around, don't see any. Repeat the gesture, crossed arms. Ok. Down the street there's another. Look around, gesture, negative. God damn it! I just need some fucking garbage bags!!
Next convenience store. I make my gesture, and the guy looks confused. I repeat, with more precision, he holds out his hand. I look at him confused, he points to a garbage can behind the counter. "No, no. For my apartment." He makes a "what the fuck is your problem" face, and points to a dumpster just outside. "No, no. I need to purchase. To buy. For home." Finally he gets it, "Ohhh, no no, not here." Face palm. I shrug my shoulders exaggeratedly and say "Where?". He points out the window and says "That way."
So I go outside, and walk, "that way", and see, down some dark ally with little else in it, a small non-chain store with a sign hanging that says "24 Convenience". I assume 24 hour is what they were getting at. I start walking towards it, and as I get closer I begin to get excited. I can see paper towels, and toilet paper, and tissue paper, and all those domestic goodies that few of the other convenience stores have even had. This has to be the place. I walk in. I look around. They have everything one could need for a home. Bug spray, window cleaner, foil, plastic wrap. But....this can't be....I don't see garbage bags. I look again. They have to be here. I tear every inch if the tiny store apart, but I don't see them. I go up to the counter, and I make my gesture for garbage bags. "Not here." I leave with a sigh.
I kept trying, and eventually I did find them. But that story was to illustrate my point that nothing here, and I mean absolutely nothing, is ever simple. It makes it difficult to get motivated to actually do anything, because I know that no matter what it is, it's going to be a hassle at some point or another. And a week and a half into it, it's starting to wear on me a bit. I haven't had a relaxing day. I'm still not really set up with everything I need, and so there's still more things I need to get, which means more things to figure out. And it's kinda fun. I mean it's part of the adventure, it's why I came here. It's certainly growing me into a more independent, self sufficient, determined and capable person. But it's also exhausting. And now, after my first full week here, I'm just tired.
Thanks for bearing with me through the exceptionally long post. I'll try to keep them more manageable in the future.
-Mongoose
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